Thursday, December 30, 2004

Orbach

I don't know why, but I was really saddened to see Jerry Orbach had died. This guy was great on Law & Order for something like 12 years.

Sunday, December 19, 2004

Smoking!

So last night, we go to see Ken Martin play a show at this hole-in-the-wall "pub" called Barfly. What a tiny, place. Ken plays bass for this John Lennox guy. The show was pretty good. The guy has some nice songs. I even acquired a CD of his and he signed it. I had a good time. Anyway, this isn't the point. The point is the following:

I hate smoke and smokers. Ontario and New York have it right, banning smoking from bars and clubs. I never want to go to these places specifically because of the smoke. My eyes get irritated and I can't breathe. Then, you get home and reek of smoke! How do smokers live with themselves?! Yeesh!

Saturday, December 18, 2004

Sam Jackson vs. the valet

For some reason, I dunno why, I imagined what would happen if Samuel L. Jackson had no concept of what valet parking was. I think it would go something like this:

Head waiter: May I have you keys, sir? The valet will bring your car around for you.
(Sam Jackson hands over keys...waiter leaves.)
Sam Jackson: Wait a sec...what the f*** is a valet?
(Sam Jackson storms out of restaurant as the waiter and the valet are waiting by his parked car.)
Head waiter: The valet brought your car, sir and--
Sam Jackson: What the f*** is a valet?
Head waiter: Errr...he brings your car around for you.
Sam Jackson: Well, if this isn't the crap icing on the s***cake! You mean to tell me that this punk drove around in my muthaf*****' car?
Valet: Sorry, sir, but I thought that by giving your keys, you--
Sam Jackson: I didn't ask you a thing. I didn't ask you a goddam thing!
(Sam Jackson opens the door to his car and looks around.)
Sam Jackson: Where'd my change go? I had a little dish for change. Now the change is gone. This is outrageous.
Valet: Sir, I didn't see any change...and please don't yell.
Sam Jackson: I ain't yelling! This is how I talk.
Sam Jackson peers inside again.)
Sam Jackson (calmly): Where's my Mounds bar?
Valet: Sorry?
Sam Jackson: My muthaf*****' Mounds bar. I was looking forward to the soft, moist coconut and the dark, dark chocolate. It's gone! You ate it!
(Raises fist to pummel the valet, then stops.)
Sam Jackson: Wait hold up...HOLD UP. I need to cool this s*** down. (Strokes chin) I spent the change on the Mounds bar...and ate it on the way. Accept my apologies...but I still don't like this one bit.
(Sam Jackson gets in car and drives off).


I dunno if I even meant this to be funny. These results of the meeting of Sam Jackson and a valet seem so...organic.

Friday, December 17, 2004

Cont Ed

So I went to school to register for some Cont Ed courses. They direct me to a room labelled "Step 1". On my way down the hall, I see that Steps 2 through 4 are behind me, making the layout of this procedure make as much sense as 3 nacelles on a starship (high fives, anyone? props? Nyargh...). Anyway, I fill in some papers in Step 1, then proceed to Step 2 where the hilarity begins.

You see, it turns out that many people taking cnot ed classes either:
a) don't know English
b) don't come prepared with papers
c) are stupid.

Sometimes all of the above. To wit: there was this Chinese dude who couldn't speak a lick of English and he was going up the girl who takes papers and verifies things. She told him he has to write "in PEN...not PENCIL...PEN. This is a pen. Write with THIS." So he whispers something that sounded like "ok" and shuffles off to the side to correct his mistake. Since all his info was loaded on the computer, the girl decided to wait for him, instead of handling me. So I wait there...and the guy returns. He gingerly plops his papers on the desk with satisfaction. The girl starts going through them, when..."I said pen! This IS STILL pencil!" So the guy leaves again to correct his papers.

Finally, she calls me up and upon seeing my funky, foreign name, she thought she's have another hard time. But lo! I was a beacon of clarity in those dark times. And she rejoiced.

Addendum: After I proceeded through steps 3, 4 and 5, I saw the Chinese guy finally make his way to the next step.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

RotK

So upon receiving my Return of the King Extended Edition dvd, I watched it. All 250+ minutes of it and loved it. Wow. I think as a whole, LotR is my favourite movie ever. The sheer craft and scope is astounding. Now it'll take me a week to get through the 2 discs of extras! I heart LotR...

So is baseball in DC dead? The city council reneged on its deal to use city funds to build MLB a ballpark. So MLB is angry now...They may play 1 year in a temporary stadium in Washington, then move elsewhere. Wow. Rough to Washington and a huge black eye to MLB, but it couldn't happen to more deserving folks.

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Electronics Arts is evil

So Sega started coming out with their ESPN sports video games at $30CND and they were amazing, too. No halfwitted products. So what does EA, the world's biggest video game company do?

"Electronic Arts announced today an exclusive licensing agreement with the National Football League and Players Inc. to develop, publish, and distribute interactive football games. These agreements give EA the exclusive rights to the NFL teams, stadiums, and players for use in its football video games for the next five years."

Can you believe it? And there's more:

"EA is attempting to negotiate similar deals with the NBA and Major League Baseball."

I cannot accept this. I refuse to get any future Madden game. For that matter, I'll throw in any future EA hockey game, as well. Sic semper tyrannis!

Friday, December 10, 2004

I also dislike tv

Wow, Chris beat me to it on his blog! I was all set to write a post on how tv sucks. What brought me to this conclusion? I'll tell you.


Exhibit A) I was watching Malcolm in the Middle. For years, I've been saying it's been in decline...getting unfunny and this past week was the last straw. Not only did they have to introduce a baby on the show to try to get ratings, but now they've seem to have added a girl who lives next door, as some sort of character foil to Malcolm and Reese. She's not funny and it reeks of desperation. Also, Francis, the funniest character on the show, isn't on so far this season. Malcolm, you're cut!

Exhibit B) Will & Grace. Global was constantly showing the ad for their Christmas episode and it looked so goddam awful. Yet the ad played over and over. I HATE that show. Not cuz of its gayness. I could care less. It's just not funny. I find nothing funny about the bits I've seen of that show. And the ads are always horrible. Why people go crazy for it is beyond me.

Just like in Ghostbusters, I think society is too sick to continue and I will erect a building designed to attract an ancient Sumerian god, Gozer the Gozerian, in an attempt to finish it all off.

Sitcoms? All I watch now is Scrubs, Simpsons (for old times' sake) and the incredible Arrested Development. That is all.


Awww, television...how can I say these things about you?
*hugs tv

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Gargoyles

Yes, yes the first season of Gargoyles is now on DVD, for its 10th anniversary (has it been that long?). It has the first 13 episodes. I used to love this show. It was so well done.
I did a bit of digging and found out that season 2 had 52 (!) episodes. Then season 3 was something called "The Goliath Chronicles" and had another 13 episodes. There's no way I've seen them all. Dare I say I want this dvd and the forthcoming seasons? It's like a Star Trek reunion, too (watchers of the show know what I mean).

Damn, I can't get the theme song out of my head, now!

Monday, December 06, 2004

Don't Panic

I was wasting time online and stumbled upon the teaser trailer for the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Being a huge fans of those books and their author, the late, great Douglas Adams, I cannot wait for this movie to come out. The books are damned hilarious and I can only hope the movie is too.

That is all.

Friday, December 03, 2004

Back in the saddle again...

So here I am, staring at a blank blogspace. What to write? My fans have been clamouring for new posts, but I draw a blank. Unlike the Masta, I don't have run ins with people that turn into hilarious stories. Let's see...what could be of interest...
I bought the Spider-Man 2 dvd...and completely went through every feature and extra in a day. It was excellent. How I love Sam Raimi's Spider-Man. The casting of Peter Parker is so perfect.

I was so in the Raimi mood that I watched the classic that is Army of Darkness. The close-ups and weirdo angles are great. I love him as a director. Is he my favourite director? I dunno. I like others. I mean, Spielberg is excellent, too. I love the little things he does in his movies. You'd have to watch a Spielberg movie with me so I can point them out. Some of my favourite movies are by Ridley Scott (Blade Runner, Gladiator) but Raimi is having so much fun when he's making his movies. I do love Kevin Smith, but more as a writer. His directing skills are nothing special. But I digress...(who cares what I have to say about the matter...well, obviously you do, elsewise, you wouldn't be reading this!)

BTW, Star Trek: Enterprise has gotten amazing. This last 3 part Vulcan arc was amazing. Here's hoping it gets renewed for a 5th season.