Monday, February 28, 2005

Beyonce; The Odd Couple: The Next Generation

Anyone watch those Oscar awards last night? There are plenty of things to say about it and plenty of jokes to make but I will concentrate on one thing: Beyonce.

She sung 3 of the 5 songs during the awards. That's all good and well. But one of them was in French. Or...it was supposed to be, at least. If you see any American media about her, they're all saying how talented she is to be able to sing in French but if only they knew!! The only words I can make out were "de la nuit". That's it! The rest of it was so horribly mangled. The ONE and ONLY time anyone ever needs Celine Dion and they use Beyonce instead...sigh...


So I was thinking what would happen if Jean-Luc Picard and Q were reunited in sitcom form to make a new Odd Couple-esque show (Trek fans only):

("The Odd Couple: The Next Generation was filmed in front of a holographic studio audience")

(Picard walks in the door. Q comes in from the kitchen. The audience bursts out into cheering.)

Picard: Q, what is the meaning of this?
Q: Why, whatever do you mean, Jean-Luc?
Picard: You know very well what I mean. You invited the Admiral over for supper, knowing full well the replicator does not work.
Q: Did I? Well, I'm sure an experienced Starfleet captain such as yourself can manage. (Q proceeds to examine his fingernails)
(The door chime, umm...chimes)
Picard: Q! You must leave. I can't allow the Admiral to know I have an omnipotent, omniscient being living with me.
Q: Jean-Luc, I am hurt. The way you always brush me under the rug...it's quite appalling, really. Very well. If you don't want her to know you live with one Q...how about a dozen? (after a light flashes, a dozens Qs are standing around. Just then, the door nudges open slightly. The Admiral is letting herself in!)
Admiral Satie: Hello? Captain Picard?
(Picard rushes to the door, blocking the way, not allowing the admiral to get fully in and see the ridiculous scene behind him)
Picard: Admiral Satie! What a surprise!
Admiral Satie: Surprise? Whatever are you talking about? You invited me yourself.
(Picard flashes a quick glare at Q, who now has his hand to his mouth in mock shock)
Picard: Oh yes. I remember now. Haha. Unfortunately, I will have to cancel our ENGAGEment.
Admiral Satie: Now, you cannot just cancel a supper with a fleet admiral. Are you hiding something back there? (the admiral pushes the door while Picard tries to hold her back. They struggle together. The studio audience goes wild! Finally the admiral bursts through the doorway and sees...nothing!! The Qs disappeared and on the table is a hot turkey dinner, complete with romantic candles.)
Admiral Satie (giving Picard a come-hither look): Oh, Jean-Luc...you shouldn't have.
Picard (angrily, to himself): Oh Q...
Admiral Satie: What was that?
Picard: Um, I said...'oh you...'

("The Odd Couple: The Next Generation will return after these messages.")

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