Monday, April 11, 2005

Batman and Robin

So I FINALLY saw the fourth and most awful of the Batman films, Batman and Robin, and boy, was it a stinker!

The story was so confusing and muddled. It's as if the clueless producers decreed that Mr. Freeze, Poison Ivy, Bane and Batgirl had to be in the movie, regardless how. So then, for no reason, they were just thrown in. There's no reason to it. No organic purpose for them to be in the movie. They're just...there.

All of Mr. Freeze's line seem to consist of bad one-liners involving the following words: ice, freeze, cold, chill, etc. And, I poop you not, he uttered the following line:

"Today Gotham, tomorrow...the WORLD!"

What else, lemme see...oh yeah! In the beginning, Mr. Freeze ices the museum and his hockey-playing henchmen are skating around beating up on the Bat and Bird. So what do B&R do? They click their heels, à la Wizard of Oz, and out pop skates. Skates in their boots! Does this happen often enough to necessitate skates being installed in their boots?

Other instances of awfulness are too frequent to mention in detail, so I'll give a brief summary:
-Surfing on metal doors
-Awful acting
-Alicia Silverstone
-Motorcycle racing
-Those computers you only see in the movies with extremely easy to use interfaces
-That buffoon Commissioner Gordon (start doing your job and stop calling Batman for everything!)

All this in a movie written by the same guy who wrote A Beautiful Mind (actually I didn't see that movie but I'm told it's good). He also wrote Batman Forever. He also wrote A Time to Kill. But then again, he is responsible for Lost in Space and I, Robot, so maybe he's not all that.

In summary, I want the new Christian Bale Batman now!

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