Saturday, March 11, 2006

I Smell Da Feet

I have a million different things on my mind that are all blog-worthy in their own right. I could do a Lotto 6/49-esque style draw, selecting one ball from the machine and write extensively on that topic, for better or for worse; for good or for ill. But rather than expound in painful detail on some subject of no doubt cathartic proportions, I will write about feet. What the hell is the deal with people and their god damned gross feet?

Being an avid gym-goer, I often see people with bare feet walking around the locker room. I simply cannot understand why people are so terribly filthy as to have one of the following:

  • black toe nails

  • yellow toenails

  • milky toenails

  • cracked, jigsaw puzzle toenails

  • toenails that curve over the front edge of the toe

  • toenails that curve over the side of the toe

  • a combination of the above

Seriously, though, how hard is it to keep clean feet? You're at the gym. They are actually providing you with showers to clean yourself, so there's absolutely no excuse not to wash. I think normal feet are pretty unsettling as it is, so you can imagine my repulsion when confronted with toes akin to Costanza's gym teacher's teeth. And do these people have spouses? One look at those feet and I feel they should be blacklisted from any companionship until it's cleared up or death, whichever comes first.

As for the curved nails, why? How hard is it to cut your disgusting nails once in a while? Personally, I cut my nails extremely often. The moment I see white accumulating, I usually take my clippers through a workout. Yet, there are people who insist on growing ladles on their feet. And what the f*** does one have to do to get a yellow, shell-like nail?

All I am saying is that if you have rotting, decrepit feet, cover them up or stay at home. I don't need to put up with it.

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