Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Spoiler Alerters are the Devil

Everybody hates spoilers. You know when some jerk sees a highly anticipated movie before you and takes a twisted delight in telling you the big secret? "She's a he!" "It's her head in the box!" "He's actually his father!" "His wife gets killed!" We all hate those fools. They suck the joy out of quality films/shows; the kind of joy that makes watching these programs so fun and gripping. Here is my story.

I acquired the much anticipated season premiere of the Sopranos and I got all prepped and properly hyped to watch it last night. So I load it up and on my MSN Messenger I changed my status to busy and my personal message to "watching The Sopranos s6e1". I thought that was really clear until the devil popped up. The devil is a guy named Ryan S. Hmmm, maybe that's too obvious...fine, R. Sen.

Without giving away a huge surprise in the episode, the Spoiler Devil, with the brevity of a single line, blew it. He told me the big plot point, then added "ha".

I was enraged.

I proceeded to say something along these lines:

WTF is the matter with you? Are you dyslexic? Maybe you're just retarded! Christ! Can't you see my name says "watchING"? ING!!!! As in, I am currently viewing it. Not watchED. WatchING! I've waited so long for this and you just blow it, maliciously. WTF is your problem?!

Then, as he was trying to respond, I finally blocked that idiot. Hey, Spoiler Devil, you're dead to me. I'll forgive you later, probably, but right now I'm so angry. While you're at it, stop being so gay for me and drop my name as your email address. Jesus, what is wrong with you?

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