Friday, March 31, 2006

Stolen Shampoo or The Case of the Heisted Herbal Essence

Somebody stole my shampoo. Right from under my nose. I'm not so much upset as amazed. Who would do that? Let's backtrack for a moment.

After my gym session, I like to sit in the sauna (relax you immature homophobes, I was not nude). It is easily the most relaxing activity in my life and I look forward to it. The feeling you get sitting there in the heat is incredibly soothing. The thermometer always hovers around 100 degrees celsius (yes, they do get that hot) and induces much sweating. It cleans the skin and generally gives a serene feeling that washes over the body and mind. My lifelong mantra for the past 2 weeks has been keep the body healthy and the mind will follow. In fact, the mind has no choice seeing as how it is comfortably seated within the skull. It has no choice but to follow. Anyway, I digress.

I usually follow my sauna session with a shower. Outside the sauna door is a little shelf where everybody puts their things, as I do with my bottle of shampoo. I have been doing that for almost 2 years when yesterday, upon emerging from the sweat box, I look and the shampoo is gone. Vanished. Purloined! You know in cartoons, when something magically disappears, little lines shoot outwards from where the object was? Well, I saw those lines. Yoinks! Gone!

Now, I'm not upset. I'm rather...well, shocked isn't the word. It was the most incredulous situation. Who would steal a half-used bottle of knock-off Herbal Essence shampoo (I believe it was the "Equate" brand of knock-off...still, it smelled reeeeal purdy). I'll go and get another bottle. I don't care. It's just...who would do that? What brand of klepto would do this?

"Hmmmm hmm hmmm...dum dee dum...just passing through the locker room...minding my own business...hello, what's this?! An unattended half-empty bottle of Equate brand Herbal Essence shampoo!? Ooooooh. Don't mind if I do. YOINKS! STOLEN'D!"

At that point his feet start winding up like on the Flintstones when they get ready to run, with those plink-plonk sounds and he zips off.

Right now, I have two suspects for this grievous thievery.

1) Marc Labrèche. He's been killing my mojo lately and this may be just the latest example. He obviously doesn't want my hair to smell nice.

2) Rex "in the city" Navarrete. We all know how much he likes shampoo.

So to the shampoo-thief-stapo out there and you bad-smellinazis, this will not stop me. I will buy more shampoo and continue my ritual of hygiene. If I stop, then I let the terrorists win.

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