Tuesday, December 04, 2007

An Open Letter to Maniacs...

Dear Crazy winter drivers,

Are you all out of your friggin' minds? Every year, we get snow and every year, people lose their heads. You can't drive in 30cm of snow like you do in the middle of July, ok? Here I am, stopped at a red light and praying that some yahoo behind me doesn't break too suddenly and come crashing into my car. It's a really tense moment, stopped at a light, looking in my rearview mirror and seeing a car coming down the slippery street at speeds ridiculous in this weather. And in a snowstorm, I will go very slow on purpose in order to not spin out. But no matter how carefully I drive, getting into an accident is really out of my hands because nutjobs are all over the place, careening around curves, just asking to slide into others. What's the huge rush? Do you all have to get someplace a few seconds quicker than if you drove carefully? In fact, by driving so fast, chances are you'll get into an accident and you won't make your destination at all.

So slow the f$*@ down, already. Jeez.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Writers, strike that

As you may be aware, there is a strike in Hollywood. The writers are refusing to work because they feel the studios aren't paying them for money they make off dvds and internet broadcasts of their material. These are all valid points except the writers may be shooting themselves in the foot.

I watch a lot of tv. Usually, I watch on my own time on the computer and rarely live on tv which allows me the luxury of not watching trash. I usually research a show before I get into it to see whether it's a waste of my time. Now, most people are not as methodical as me and watch any old swill that comes on. With new episodes of shows winding down due to the strike, there is a chance once the mind-controlling numbness of tv dies down, people will break out of the trance and realize they've been wasting their lives with rubbish. It will be like that Simpsons episode where the kids discover there's a world outside. Watch as people peer out their windows, rubbing their eyes at this strange, natural illumination emanating from a ball of flame suspended in the sky.

Alas, the strike does indeed affect some top quality programming that I will sorely miss. But on the bright side, it will give me a chance to catch up on plenty of older series that I have neglected. And video games. Lots of video games.

Friday, October 19, 2007

Da Kink in my head

I swear, if I see another ad for this show "Da Kink in My Hair" on Global, I'm going to gouge my eyes out with splintered chopsticks.

This terrible spot repeats over and over again, displaying alleged humour and even more alleged wisdom like: "A woman's hair holds her truth." What? What the f@&$ is that supposed to even mean?! Why do Canadian broadcasters insist on producing terrible homegrown programming? Except Corner Gas. That show makes me laugh.

Ugh! Eff you Global and your ads that repeat ad infinitum. Oh look at us, we have amusing accents and work in a quirky hair salon. This is some bulllllllls$*%.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Never smile at a croc-o-phile

Summer season is at an end and so is the trend of people wearing these shoes called Crocs. I must officially document my hatred for these shoes on this blog for all to see. I hate Crocs. They are so incredibly stupid-looking that I'm amazed otherwise sane individuals wear them. What's the appeal? They're cheaply made of cheap plastic and the worse offense of all is that they're hideous.

Thankfully, the cold weather will put an end to people parading in what amounts to slightly more than clown shoes.

P.S.: If you wear Crocs, than it's highly possible you're an idiot. I can't make gross generalities, however. I will judge an individual's idiocy on a case to case basis.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Bowling for plates

In my hectic schedule, I've found a moment to post something new upon this slowly fading blog. Like a Rickey Henderson, however, I will never quit! This blog will continue to live! (What's that? Rickey hung up his cleats? Aw eff...!)

Anyway, I was wondering at what point does a plate become a bowl. You know at some fancy restaurants, they serve a soup in what amounts to little more than a plate with a really wide rim. Is that a bowl or are they serving me soup in a dish? Is there a specific depth of the object's indentation that turns it into a bowl from a plate? Or does the moniker apply to what's being served? If I serve soup or eat cereal out of a hat, can I call that a bowl?

Bowls and plates...the eternal struggle for meaning continues, unabated...for now...

P.S.: Ooh ooh, what's more, do you "eat" soup or "drink" soup? Or simply "have" soup? Argh, language can be so baffling at times!

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Are you a fat ass?

If you listen to Mix 96 for any length of time (something I do NOT recommend for fear of irreparable brain damage), you have no doubt heard the ads for a product called Fat Assassin (with Hoodia!). In the ad, there are two girls reading off a script that is trying so hard to sound natural. One girl is saying how she lost a ton of weight by taking these diet pills and her boyfriend (Tom) can't keep his hands off of her.

My question is this. Would YOU name a diet pill Fat Assassin? I mean, it has the words "fat ass" right there in the product name!

Monday, August 06, 2007

Obesity stinks!

So, where I spend a lot of time lately, helping out at my friend's card store (I made their website! Check it out here!), lots of customers of a certain...substantiveness...frequent the place. What I will say is a stereotype, sure, but anecdotally, I feel it's feel it's true. More often than not, these people of a given rotundness flat out smell. Badly. Really badly.

I don't understand, though. Is it that they simply do not wash? They sit there is their own filth? They figure, while I'm not treating my body with respect, I may as well go the whole nine yards and not clean myself either? Or is there more to this story. Perhaps they are so large, there are places they cannot reach to clean. Whatever the reason, it's freakin' gross. If you're going out in public, please don't have an aura of stank wafting about your body, like remoras on sharks. My nose will thank you later.

Friday, July 27, 2007

BK Kids Club

Have you ever thought about the BK Kids Club? Like, really devoted some time to it? I don't know anyone who ever got toys of them or participated in any contests or even know the characters' names. Yet, the Kid Club still lingers, while nobody pays it any notice, like those white spots you sometimes get on your fingernails.

Everyone knows the McDonald's characters. But who are these BK people?

I could write about a bunch of them and how they're tools of overly politically correct marketers but I will concentrate on the dude in the wheelchair. Can you believe his name is Wheels? WHEELS! I mean, does he have to be reminded of his paralysis every time someone calls for him.

"Hey, Wheels, let's go play some hoops. Awwwwwwwww." "Hey, Wheels, let's go play soccer. Awwwwwww." "Hey, Wheels, let's go walk around. Awwwww."

While they're at it, why not name him Gimpy the Wonder Gimp. How evil. Do they name the Hispanic guy Spanishy? Or the black guy Blackie? No, they're named after things they like. Vid Kid likes gaming, Lingo speaks many languages, IQ is smart. Wheels? He sits in a wheelchair. It tells me nothing about who he is.

I mean, why is there even a kid in a wheelchair? This is supposed to be a fantasy land where kids' dreams come true. I can tell you one thing: if Wheels's dreams came true, he'd be named Feet.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Transforming bad animation to good memories

I saw Transformers last night. Despite all my worries that the hack Michael Bay would mess it up, it was pretty damned good. The action was incredible and the special effects were top notch. The story was a little suspect (map on the glasses? what the...??) and there were some poor lines delivered even worse but the sheer spectacle of the film was great.

However, I'm not here to discuss that movie. I want to talk about the old Transformers animated movie. You know, the one where they all die? Yeah. That one. Going back and watching that movie, just like watching the cartoon on which it expands, a viewer today must wonder what all the fuss is about. As a kid, there was nothing cooler than giant friggin' robots turning into cars and shooting guns. It has the 3 things young boys love: cars, robots and guns. But if you watch it now, you enjoy it for pure nostalgia because it's not for the production quality, let me tell you. The animated comes off as stiff and the stories are generally poorly conceived and repetitive. How many times can the Autobots randomly run into Megatron and the boys, uselessly skirmish for a bit, then fly away, with no victor.

So then, there's the ill-fated movie in 1986. We all know Transformers exists to sell toys. There's no other reason for it. But the transgression Transformers: The Movie made is inexcusable. They trick you into thinking you're going to the theater to see all your favourites...then they pull the rug out from under you. They dupe people into the cinema then kill off everyone you know, and replace them with people you have no connection with nor do you care to see, and you're essentially trapped in the hall. Having known that they'd pull the ol' switcheroo, nobody would have gone to see that movie. It was such a clear and blatant marketing ploy to introduce a completely new line of toys and it failed on a spectacular level. The movie bombed, audiences went home terribly upset and Transformers fizzled away after that. They even had to bring Optimus back in the next series but it was too late. Add to that incredibly poor and disjointed storytelling, alternatively nice and horrible animation quality and a soundtrack so utterly bizarre, you are left wondering who was smoking what when they made the movie (Weird Al's "Dare To Be Stupid", anyone?), and you have one of the most bizarre viewing experiences known to man.

That being said, I love watching the old stuff. It's a reminder of a simpler time, where giant, honkin' robots can beat the tar out of each other and we kids just watch and be entertained. All the new Transformers series with their high budgets and neato animation can't compare to the joy that is the original.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Does nudity extend to animals?

The concept of nakedness and shame has been around for so long. However, extend the concept of clothing to animals and we are trapped in a miry mess. I'm not talking about people who dress up their dogs or what have you. That's plainly stupid. Rather, I mean cartoon animals who wear a bit of clothing.

Take Donald Duck, for instance. There he is, being mean to everyone and losing his temper but what is he wearing? Fine, he's a sailor, but where are his pants? The mere fact he wears some bit of clothing means that he is aware of clothes and their purpose. So not wearing any bottoms is a message that this duck is delivering to us. Either he's comfortable with his semi-nudity or he's purposefully trying to offend people, making a point that clothing is silly...and apparently optional.

Next, we have Donkey Kong. Do you believe this guy? He only has a tie on! At least Donald had some shred of decency. This big ape is throwing our concept of modesty right back in our faces. The fact that the only thing he's wearing is a tie is symbolic of his rejection of the working man's uniform, as if to tell the masses to cast off the shackles of workaday life.

Finally, the most offensive anthropomorphic beast is McGruff, the crime dog. Yes, it appears he is wearing pants underneath his raincoat but hold on a minute. We've established that most cartoon animals are lacking clothing. So I think it follows that McGruff is missing clothing under that coat. Combine that with the fact that he's wearing the trappings of a typical flasher and you got yourself one dirrrrty ol' dawg. Take a bite out of crime, indeed. Start by arresting this animal.

All this is very disturbing but will probably not change anytime soon. The concept of modesty in dress has been around forever. Just look at Adam and Eve! Or rather, only look at them once they are clothed. It would not be proper otherwise.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Too many people

There are too many people on this planet. I am reminded of this every time I see a commercial asking to donate money to feed starving people in far-flung lands. Hey, here's an idea: stop having 15 kids each!

The problem is that people having the most children are those who can least afford to. Does that make sense? If I'm unemployed (and I am), I'm not going to go buy a dozen cars. If you don't have the means, don't do it.

Which brings me to another point: children licenses. Having kids should be regulated! Any bozo can go and create more humans to place on this earth, whether they can take care of them or not. I could not put it better than Angelina Jolie, when she said,

"It should be hard to be a parent, period. I go through many things to adopt.

"I'm finger-printed, I'm checked, I go through home studies. I have to prove I'm a decent citizen; a good human being.

"That didn't happen to me when I gave birth, so it's interesting that there's no background check when you bring a child into your home in that way."

Now, for all the starving poor out there, it would be nice for them to be able to rely on meals. But their hunger will only propagate as long as the masses remain uneducated. Education is the key to stopping the litters of children people in famine-ridden countries have. We're at 6 billion and counting. It needs to be curbed sooner rather than later or the world will be ill-equipped to nourish everyone.

Monday, April 23, 2007


If you've been watching tv lately, you'll have noticed the ads for this really bad-looking Jamie Kennedy movie, "Kickin' It Old Skool". It's him trying to be all hip-hop again. Wasn't "Malibu's Most Wanted" punishment enough for the public? Anyway, I was all ready to rip into it for the awful ad airing on tv. There is nothing redeeming about it. Not a single funny joke or any indication as to why anyone would want to plunk down money to see this. So before I was going to write this post, I decided to check out the full trailer just to make sure. What I saw surprised me.

The full theatrical trailer is much different from the tv ad. On tv, there is no indication that he's a kid who's been in a coma since the 80s, thereby introducing a fish out of water element. Some gags in the full trailer actually elicited what might be considered as the beginnings of a laugh. Watch it here, if you'd like. This bring me to my next point: misrepresentational trailers.

Whose decision was it to cut the tv ad in that way, so that it looks absolutely dreadful? Sure, the full trailer makes it appear marginally better but still. A trailer is supposed to give a bit of the story to entice potential viewers. And for a comedy, it should include a few jokes. The tv ads for this one do neither. Someone should get reprimanded for this debacle.

Thursday, April 12, 2007


Regular readers (whoever among you are left) will know how the misuse of language bothers me (refer to last post...or probably don't. It's better that way). So boo me if you must (go ahead, try it) but I will continue on the same vein.

Don't you just hate it when somebody uses an acronym but then also uses one of the words contained therein? For example, when somebody says "ATM machine". What do you think the "M" stands for, you mook? Or "PIN number", for that matter. The N=number already.

Anyway, I think I've made my point so I'll cut it here, lest Chris berate me.

Fine, one more. "HIV virus". Does that mean the Human immunodeficiency virus virus? It's a virus on the virus? Do they cancel each other? Does that mean we found a cure? ...morons...

Addendum: I am a petty man...in blog form only, I assure you. I am quite affable in person. :D

Friday, March 30, 2007

The bell tolls for proper writing

Yes, you will all have to suffer through another schoolmarmish post by me.

I'm sure I have mentioned in the past that I believe the internet is the death knell of grammar and proper writing. Upon further reflection, I have concluded that this is not the case.

The rise of the net is great in that there is such a wealth of information readily accessible by anyone. Remember the days when research meant going to the library and looking through periodicals? Remember waiting for the next day's newspaper for sports scores and stats (or the day after that for a night game)? The internet is great for many things except for the fact is also has the unfortunate side-effect of giving every ordinary joe a voice.
(Clearly, this could be considered somewhat ironic because I myself am an ordinary joe spouting my opinions as facts online. At the very least, claiming people shouldn't have a voice is the height of hubris on my part, feeling my opinions are more valid than others'. Well, tough. Live with it.)

Spelling and grammatical mistakes really bother me. I'm not talking about simple typos, either. I myself am guilty of inadvertent errors. Nobody is perfect. Rather, I mean all those who write poorly but don't know that what they write is improper. This begets a terrible ouroboros of linguistic deficiency. How will people learn the language when all they are exposed to is an ersatz version?

The following really grind my gears:
-should of/would of (which doesn't even make sense, people! Come on, think for a second!)

As mentioned up top, I have reached a new conclusion. My cause and effect theory that the internet is causing poor language skills is somewhat backwards. Yes, if people have the net as their only source of reading, they will have a skewed idea of English. However, I believe that people were always bad at grammar and vocabulary. It's just that, in the past, the only reading we would do would be from books and magazines, sources that went through an editor to be cleaned up before reaching our eyes. The advent of self-publishing on the net bypasses the screening process, allowing people to post their ignorance unfettered.

Moral of the story: please, everyone, read proper books. And lots of them.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

The winds of change

The results on Monday's provincial were surprising. I figured there would be a Liberal minority with the ADQ second but not as strongly as they were. It's a big story followed by the other big story: the PQ is now a third place party, garnering their lowest popular vote percentage since 1970.

I can only see this as a rejection of the PQ and their antiquated ideas. This trend began in the last federal election when the Conservatives had surprising success in Quebec, to the Bloc's detriment. As the most right-wing party in the province, the ADQ is enjoying similar gains. They took many votes from the Liberals as well but I feel the PQ should be worried more.

The PQ is showing itself to be a generational party. The old guard is gone or leaving and they have trouble attracting the younger people now. The romantic vision of a separate Quebec is seeming more antiquated with people. The PQ somewhat know this and certain segments of it pushed André Boisclair into leadership, figuring he's young and could connect with the youth of the province. They were wrong.

Boisclair has shown himself to be incredibly arrogant and out of touch with people. Pollster Jean-Marc Leger said to the Gazette on March 2nd, "The PQ was so eager for generational change, for a changing of the guard, that they didn't look at the type of individual they were electing." Forget that he's gay, the fact that Boisclair admitted to doing cocaine while in office apparently did not go over too well with most people. This is the point they needed to hook the youth of Quebec and instead, they lost most of them to the ADQ.

Meanwhile Mario Dumont, who has been around for ever but is only 36 years old, led an incredible surge for the ADQ. Psychologically, this is huge for them. It shows the public that they can be a real contender now. He'll probably prop up the Liberal government for 3 years or so, until his team of newbies gets experience. After that point, I can see the ADQ forming the next government of the province, with Liberals second and the PQ falling further behind in the rearview and into irrelevance.

All this means we'll likely have another federal election very shortly, with the Conservatives probably winning a majority by building on their gains last time and cleaning up the new ADQ ridings in Quebec. As for locally, this means we can finally debate real issues and politics to improve our lives instead of wasting so much breath, ink and energy about a hypocritical and economically devastating pursuit such as sovereignty.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Too angry to study

I was sitting at my desk, working, when a heavy bass beat started arousing my curiosity. I'm on the 11th floor, so I figured something big was happened. I glance out the window and there was a demonstration going on outside.

A procession of angry students playing loud music was going westwards on de Maisonneuve, protesting tuition rates. That got my ire up.

Quebec has the lowest tuition on the continent. As a result, our universities are poorly funded and good professors don't want to teach here. Yet, this bunch of beatniks want to keep it that way. I don't understand how they can protest a raise in tuition (that our system is ever so thirsty for) and yet still spend $5 on a coffee at Second Cup. And let's not forget the benjamins they spend on beer. Let me get this straight...So they have enough money to blow on luxuries but when it comes to their education, they don't want to drop any coins? Utter madness and highly illogical.

As an aside, you'll often notice that student protesters never come from engineering or medicine or other faculties where students are required to do much work. Protesters are mostly composed of Environmental Studies students or some rubbish that will result in not having a job after graduation.

Feel free to disagree with me but I feel tuitions should indeed go up, just as long as we're assured the extra money makes it to the schools and not the government's pockets.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Monday is a red letter day!

This coming Monday is a day of import. There is an election.

However, that's not the truly important part.

The moment I heard there will be an election in March, one question popped into my mind: what about my tv shows?

Yes, Mondays are a packed day of tv watching for me and I feared Global would preempt mah fayv'rit stah-rees with election coverage. What of the penultimate episode of hyper-unrealistic yet pretty fun Prison Break? What of my usual routine of watching Battlestar Galactica on Mondays (it's the season finale this week, people!). And most importantly, what of Jack? He's more than halfway through his sixth miserable day. I can't abandon him in favour of the curly-haired bore, the coke-head and the kid who's just happy not to eat at the kid's table anymore.

Thankfully, Global felt the fear of the people and is running ads assuring us, the unwashed, tv-huddled plebeians, that election coverage will not replace the regular programming; rather, it will be inserted into the commercial breaks. Another victory for the case of Escapism v. Reality.

My roundabout point? I watch entirely too much television (however, not nearly as much as I used to as a kid...what was I doing watching Night Court when I was like 10 years old?).

Speaking of Night Court, who doesn't love the theme?

Monday, March 19, 2007

Yeux fermés

In case you weren't paying attention (or you exclusively read the French media), PQ leader André Boisclair mentioned how surprised he was to see so many students with "les yeux bridés" (slanting eyes) during his time at Harvard. In the English media, everyone was crying fowl but besides a minor peep on the French side, there was hardly a mention of it. Only in Quebec can someone admit to using cocaine while in office, then make a racist remark, refuse to apologize and still be running as the leader of a major party.

Worse still is that this opened Boisclair up to easy political dismemberment. As a gay man, Boisclair should be more sensitive to using potentially offensive words. Yet, his opponents didn't attack him. In fact, they almost excused him. It seems to me Quebec is truly an intolerant place. The majority of my friends are not "Quebecois", in the way the locals would characterize themselves; in fact, most of my friends are those very people Boisclair described as slanted eyed.

The worse part, however, is not the use of that term. Sticks and stones and all that jazz. No, the worst part is what he's implying by the comment. He says he was surprised to see so many Asians at Harvard. Essentially, he's saying, "wow, can you believe these Asians are out getting educated and not making me food/drying my clothes/doing my nails?". His narrow view of what Asians are capable of doing is the truly offensive part of his comment.

Now, I would never have voted PQ ever anyway but this just solidifies it. Along with Parizeau's post-referendum comments, it's becoming clear the PQ is an us-and-them gang where non-French Quebecers are not welcome. Frankly, do I even want to be accepted by these people?

Sunday, March 18, 2007

To add or not to add: Facebook etiquette

I was discussing the Facebook phenomenon with some friends recently and we can't quite decide what the etiquette is when adding new friends.

I'm sure all you facebookers out there know the situation. You're looking through a group you belong to or perhaps the friends of friends and you see someone you haven't spoken to since high school. You really weren't good friends with that person but they're there. What to do? To add or not to add. That's the question.

Or maybe the opposite has happened to you. Someone out of the clear blue adds you. That person isn't really your friend. In fact, you've hardly had any conversations with him/her. Do you add this person? Or what if it's a complete stranger who claims to know you? Someone did try adding me lately, claiming I went to school with her. I have no memory of this girl so I did not accept. No offense, strange girl, but I simply don't remember you.

So I throw this out to my faithful (few?) regular readers: what is your policy regarding facebook invites? Do you just add anyone, thinking you can possibly gain new friends out of it or are you tight-fisted with the acceptance of invitations?

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Weather or not?

I am not a fan of this time of year. Today, it will hit 11 degrees but next week, it will be -11? A swing of 22 degrees in the span of a week? Where do we live? It's like someone is rolling a D30 and randomly setting the temp for the day.

Aside: Hmmmm...the D30, however, would not account for the +/- of the temperature. A coin must also be flipped, heads +, tails -. Yeah, that would work. Done. I congratulate myself.

It wasn't that long ago that is was -38 with the wind chill. In fact, it was last week. This is madness! (This is Sparta?)

My oft-mentioned theory is that when they settled this place, it was definitely in the middle of summer. They showed up, felt the heat and built houses. Then, winter fell like a narcoleptic sumo wrestler after cleaning out an Asian buffet. Many people died, there were not enough men to man the ships and in the corner, the Natives just laughed, while walking around in their pimped out caribou-fur coats (of course, the settlers got their revenge in the form of infected blankets and firewater). Fast-forward many years and people are still here, out of habit, more than anything.

I think I lost my focus for a minute there. My point is, I don't like the slush outside. It's absolutely filthy. Plus, this odd period of transition wreaks havoc with the wardrobe. Do I put away my winter coat? After work is too warm for it but the mornings remain cool.

Oh and another thing in this increasingly disjointed post. This time of year really stinks due to the lack of holidays. New Year's Day was the last day off until Easter, more than 3 months later. How dare they? I propose at least one holiday per month.

In short, January-April blows.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Just to remind you of diversity

Since Facebook.com expanded to include all internet users (instead of only students) last September, the site really exploded. Within a day or two of registering, dozens of people found and added me. It's a really fun and organized way to link up with people you know or knew. And their photo uploading system is apparently the most popular photo hosting service currently on the net. You can join different groups and organize your friends through how you met them. It's great.

Now, it is missing one function. Much like Stephen Colbert, I don't see race. People tell me Kenny is Chinese or Chris is black or I'm...miscellaneous; I have to believe them. But this way, I have to rely on other people to tell me. Sometimes a situation comes up where I need the insight of members of other races for information or advice. But since I cannot tell their race, I don't know what to do. So I propose the following: racebook.com.

All your friends are divided by race. That way you can tell you're racist just by seeing you only have 1 member in "Black Friends". Personally, I'm told my "Asian Friends" section would be overwhelmed. But this way, at a quick glance you can tell who you know is Asian, Black, Brown, White, etc. People of mixed race: no free pass. You can't belong to two groups. Pick a side.

Well, what do you people think? Good idea? Bad idea? Does this post make me horribly racist? You decide. But only after figuring out what category I would be in. West Asian?

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Hand drying is fun

Here at work, we have a single hand dryer in the men's room. There are 3 sinks, however. So they accept that there may be 3 people at once washing their hands but only one man is lucky enough to dry them. The strongest and fittest man, perhaps. Natural selection. Darwin would be proud.

Playing with this reality is not without its fun. I enjoy being a punk. There is a fun game I like to play. I go to wash my hands while there are other washers, then go dry my hands before them...and take my sweet time. I like to see how long it takes people to leave, wet-handed, in frustration. It's a sociological experiment.

The best though, is once they give up and go to the door, I stop drying my hands and leave with them. They get so confused. I can see the cogs in their heads working. "Should I return and dry my hands? Cross the entire floor of the men's room to get to the dryer? But in so doing, I would have to pass by that punk who was using the dryer, thereby admitting defeat." And sure enough, nobody ever comes back to dry their hands. Once they decided to leave the bathroom, hands unwashed, they never walk back to dry because that would mean admitting they were waiting for me. Hubris is a funny thing.

Friday, February 23, 2007

Most awesome image

So I had some time on my hands...yeah, big surprise...
Anyway, I decided to change my MSN Messenger pic from a great one of Chev Chelios from Crank being defibrilated to something else, something random. So I typed in "most awesome image ever" in Google Image Search and I found something great, right there on the first page. The following:

How excellent is that?

Also of note: Right there on the first page of the "most awesome image ever" GIS is the poster for Crank. Can you imagine? So I guess I'm not the only one who wants to take that movie out behind a middle school and get it pregnant. The only reason I didn't put that as my new MSN image is because I was trying to change my already-Crank-related pic. Ah, the tough decisions in my life...

Monday, February 05, 2007

Prince and the King

Mo's Super Bowl/Birthday Party was the mad notes, as usual, but that isn't the topic of this post. No, I wish to discuss Prince and his half-time show.

Prince is awesome. Always. But I find the careers of Prince and the King of Pop, Michael Jackson, to be interesting. In the 80s, they were both crazy music stars at the height of fame (Michael Jackson's craziness is well documented, but if you had any doubts as to Prince's sanity, you must watch "An Evening With Kevin Smith". An excerpt of the transcript is at the end of this post). But then something funny happened. Jackson had one public display of nuttiness too many (and those notorious lawsuits) and fell out of favour with everyone. Prince, on the other hand, laid low for a bit then suddenly he's roaring back and he's untouchable. Everyone agrees on his genius and showmanship. I mean, who else could get away with playing his wang on stage?

Anyway, go back and listen to old Prince tunes. Pretty wicked. While you're at it, watch "Purple Rain" and remember the 80s and all the good times associated with them.

[Excerpt from "An Evening With Kevin Smith", wherein Kevin Smith is recounting a meeting with Prince's assistant]

She's like, "Prince doesn't comprehend things the way you and I do."
I was like, "What do you mean?" She was like, "Well . . .

. . .Prince has been living in Prince World for quite some time now."
She's like, "So Prince will come to us periodically and say things like:

'It's 3 in the morning in Minnesota. I really need a camel .
Go get it.'

And then we try to explain to Prince, like:
'Prince, it's 3:00 in the morning in Minnesota, it's January. . .

. . .and you want a camel .
That is not physically or psychologically possible.'

And Prince says, 'Why?"'
I'm like, "Is he an asshole?"

She's like, "He's not malicious when he does it.
He just doesn't understand why he can't get what he wants.

He doesn't understand why someone can't process a request. . .
. . .like a camel at 3 in the morning in Minnesota."

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Why are people stupid?

I seriously do not understand people. It seems sometimes everyone is stupid. Today's rant: girls' dressing habits in winter.

You see girls on the bus or metro or in the food court at the mall, wherever, and they are obviously sick. Sniffling, sneezing, wiping their nose...clearly miserable. So what are they wearing? Tiny tops with much exposed cleavage. Shirts of the thinnest material imaginable with tiny little sleeves or no sleeves at all. Are these people mental? Walking around with a quasi-exposed chest, freezing your lungs, cannot be good for one's personal health. They deserve every illness they get and more. Hey, he're a radical idea: it's cold, wear clothes!!

Now, ordinarily, I would leave these people's suffering to them. However, their illness encroaches upon me. They get sick and then wipe their sickness on door handles, metro poles, what have you. Natural selection is a cruel mistress. Let these people get sick but just don't take me down with you.

Friday, January 26, 2007

I fear for the coming generation

I know I have ranted about this before but the future is doomed. Kids nowadays are the worst type of boorish, uncivilized wastes of flesh and food. Have you ever been on a bus or the metro and some punk teens are talking about the stupidest possible thing and every second word is the f-word? And not even cleverly used but rather as a space filler in the sentence because their vocabulary is far too limited to think of a better word. And not only do they flaunt their own stupidity in this manner, they embarrass everyone around them. People casting sideways glances at each other, their eyes asking "can you believe this motherf***ing s**t?".

Case in point, I was at the gym yesterday and these two idiots, maybe 17 years old, walk into the locker room screeching like rhesus monkeys, literally. Then out of nowhere, they start cursing each other, calling each other the foulest things, for no particular reason. Then some song comes on the radio and after every line of the song, I kid you not, one of them would repeat the line, laugh and call the singer some strange combination of bad words that don't even make sense. Everyone in the room was looking at each other, just appalled (well, except for that guy everyone thinks is gay. He was looking around for prospects). I can't even repeat what they said because it was so outrageous that my mind could not absorb it to remember. Just think of any sentence you would say in the normal course of the day, add an f-word to the beginning, one at the end and then a few scattered in there as adjectives and adverbs, as they apply to your sentence. This is what these kids were.

All this to say, if more kids are like this, we are all doomed to cataclysmic failure. Perhaps we would all be better off is the Flying Spaghetti Monster just comes and wipes us all out. If Q came and put humanity on trial and used these kids as an example, I would concede defeat.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Slow news day

Not much of a post today. I just wanted to pass along a funny image that was sent to me.

How does this guy think he's going to eat this burger? I mean, the sheer mechanics of it are impossible. I love the details, though. Muttley from Wacky Races on his helmet? And further...why the need for a helmet? Discuss...

Saturday, January 13, 2007


I have been looking for a long time for a pic of Greystache. If you don't know what Greystache is, he was a fantasy character on a recent episode of the Simpsons. It was really good. Anyway, I apparently have a reputation of quickly googling any obscure image anyone is looking for, however, Greystache (Graystache?) eluded me.

Now for the millions out there googling Greystache and without finding an image, here is my gift to you. I made an image out of a screencap I print-screened.

You're welcome.

Monday, January 08, 2007


Please read this and try not to laugh:

CES 2007: Sony's SIXAXIS Wins An Emmy

Your eyes do not deceive you.

January 8, 2007 - Sony Computer Entertainment America announced today that it has been given top honors by the National Academy of Television Arts & Sciences as the recipient of a Technology and Engineering Emmy Award for the PlayStation 3's SIXAXIS controller. SCEA will accept this award at a presentation held tonight during the International Consumer Electronics Show 2007 in Las Vegas.

"The overwhelming consumer demand and critical acclaim for PS3 is a testament of the platform's strength and the industry's desire for a true next-generation entertainment system," said Jack Tretton president of SCEA. "The full potential of this powerful machine has yet to be realized -- what you've seen so far is just a taste of what will be on the table for 2007 and years to come."

The SIXAXIS wireless controller features motion-sensing to detect body movements and interpret them into in-game actions. The PS3 will be on display during the International CES tradeshow, January 8-11, in the Sony Electronics Booth.

Where shall I begin? How about "overwhelming consumer demand"? This is a laughable statement, considering you can find PS3 boxes at stores just lingering about but a Wii is still impossible to find. What about "recipient of a Technology and Engineering Emmy Award"? Let me get this straight...the half-assed, and by most accounts not very good, Sixaxis controller for PS3 wins this but the innovative and really remarkable Wii doesn't?

I think somebody got paid off to give Sony this award in an attempt to get some positive word on the PS3, against the deluge of constant negative press it has been getting.

Update: http://www.engadget.com/2007/01/09/oops-sony-declares-sixaxis-emmy-emmys-say-uh-uh/

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Happy new year...?

Happy new year, everyone. As is the tradition, along with the new year comes a raise in bus pass price, as well as it's negatively correlated decrease in quality.

Some fools at the bus system decided January 2nd would be a Saturday schedule, despite the fact that many people have to go to work. The result? A lineup for the 45 at the Brossard terminus, the length of which I have never seen in my life. It was wrapping around the entire autoparc. Tensions were high. People were fighting with others who were cutting in. This is not a good way to start the year...especially when they increased my pass from an already outrageous $99 to $103.