Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Hand drying is fun

Here at work, we have a single hand dryer in the men's room. There are 3 sinks, however. So they accept that there may be 3 people at once washing their hands but only one man is lucky enough to dry them. The strongest and fittest man, perhaps. Natural selection. Darwin would be proud.

Playing with this reality is not without its fun. I enjoy being a punk. There is a fun game I like to play. I go to wash my hands while there are other washers, then go dry my hands before them...and take my sweet time. I like to see how long it takes people to leave, wet-handed, in frustration. It's a sociological experiment.

The best though, is once they give up and go to the door, I stop drying my hands and leave with them. They get so confused. I can see the cogs in their heads working. "Should I return and dry my hands? Cross the entire floor of the men's room to get to the dryer? But in so doing, I would have to pass by that punk who was using the dryer, thereby admitting defeat." And sure enough, nobody ever comes back to dry their hands. Once they decided to leave the bathroom, hands unwashed, they never walk back to dry because that would mean admitting they were waiting for me. Hubris is a funny thing.

Friday, February 23, 2007

Most awesome image

So I had some time on my hands...yeah, big surprise...
Anyway, I decided to change my MSN Messenger pic from a great one of Chev Chelios from Crank being defibrilated to something else, something random. So I typed in "most awesome image ever" in Google Image Search and I found something great, right there on the first page. The following:

How excellent is that?

Also of note: Right there on the first page of the "most awesome image ever" GIS is the poster for Crank. Can you imagine? So I guess I'm not the only one who wants to take that movie out behind a middle school and get it pregnant. The only reason I didn't put that as my new MSN image is because I was trying to change my already-Crank-related pic. Ah, the tough decisions in my life...

Monday, February 05, 2007

Prince and the King

Mo's Super Bowl/Birthday Party was the mad notes, as usual, but that isn't the topic of this post. No, I wish to discuss Prince and his half-time show.

Prince is awesome. Always. But I find the careers of Prince and the King of Pop, Michael Jackson, to be interesting. In the 80s, they were both crazy music stars at the height of fame (Michael Jackson's craziness is well documented, but if you had any doubts as to Prince's sanity, you must watch "An Evening With Kevin Smith". An excerpt of the transcript is at the end of this post). But then something funny happened. Jackson had one public display of nuttiness too many (and those notorious lawsuits) and fell out of favour with everyone. Prince, on the other hand, laid low for a bit then suddenly he's roaring back and he's untouchable. Everyone agrees on his genius and showmanship. I mean, who else could get away with playing his wang on stage?

Anyway, go back and listen to old Prince tunes. Pretty wicked. While you're at it, watch "Purple Rain" and remember the 80s and all the good times associated with them.

[Excerpt from "An Evening With Kevin Smith", wherein Kevin Smith is recounting a meeting with Prince's assistant]

She's like, "Prince doesn't comprehend things the way you and I do."
I was like, "What do you mean?" She was like, "Well . . .

. . .Prince has been living in Prince World for quite some time now."
She's like, "So Prince will come to us periodically and say things like:

'It's 3 in the morning in Minnesota. I really need a camel .
Go get it.'

And then we try to explain to Prince, like:
'Prince, it's 3:00 in the morning in Minnesota, it's January. . .

. . .and you want a camel .
That is not physically or psychologically possible.'

And Prince says, 'Why?"'
I'm like, "Is he an asshole?"

She's like, "He's not malicious when he does it.
He just doesn't understand why he can't get what he wants.

He doesn't understand why someone can't process a request. . .
. . .like a camel at 3 in the morning in Minnesota."

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Why are people stupid?

I seriously do not understand people. It seems sometimes everyone is stupid. Today's rant: girls' dressing habits in winter.

You see girls on the bus or metro or in the food court at the mall, wherever, and they are obviously sick. Sniffling, sneezing, wiping their nose...clearly miserable. So what are they wearing? Tiny tops with much exposed cleavage. Shirts of the thinnest material imaginable with tiny little sleeves or no sleeves at all. Are these people mental? Walking around with a quasi-exposed chest, freezing your lungs, cannot be good for one's personal health. They deserve every illness they get and more. Hey, he're a radical idea: it's cold, wear clothes!!

Now, ordinarily, I would leave these people's suffering to them. However, their illness encroaches upon me. They get sick and then wipe their sickness on door handles, metro poles, what have you. Natural selection is a cruel mistress. Let these people get sick but just don't take me down with you.