Have you ever thought about the BK Kids Club? Like, really devoted some time to it? I don't know anyone who ever got toys of them or participated in any contests or even know the characters' names. Yet, the Kid Club still lingers, while nobody pays it any notice, like those white spots you sometimes get on your fingernails.
Everyone knows the McDonald's characters. But who are these BK people?
I could write about a bunch of them and how they're tools of overly politically correct marketers but I will concentrate on the dude in the wheelchair. Can you believe his name is Wheels? WHEELS! I mean, does he have to be reminded of his paralysis every time someone calls for him.
"Hey, Wheels, let's go play some hoops. Awwwwwwwww." "Hey, Wheels, let's go play soccer. Awwwwwww." "Hey, Wheels, let's go walk around. Awwwww."
While they're at it, why not name him Gimpy the Wonder Gimp. How evil. Do they name the Hispanic guy Spanishy? Or the black guy Blackie? No, they're named after things they like. Vid Kid likes gaming, Lingo speaks many languages, IQ is smart. Wheels? He sits in a wheelchair. It tells me nothing about who he is.
I mean, why is there even a kid in a wheelchair? This is supposed to be a fantasy land where kids' dreams come true. I can tell you one thing: if Wheels's dreams came true, he'd be named Feet.