Friday, June 26, 2009

This washroom's not for yakkin'!

As talkative as I may be, there is one place that I consider to be a bastion of quiet. I refer, of course, to the public washroom.

No matter if you're my best friend, I always feel uncomfortable talking to someone in the washroom. I really find it weird that people will chit chat while there are things coming out of you. Gross.

It's not bad enough that people talk to each other in the washroom, but what is the etiquette for cell phone usage? I say it should be put away and not even looked at, for fear of contamination. I mean, this thing is going right near your mouth.

So imagine my horror when I was in the washroom earlier and someone is carrying a phone conversation sitting atop the toilet. This is obviously something I frown upon. Imagine the person on the other end! What happens when you finish your business but your conversation is still ongoing? Do you sit there over a pot of waste matter? Do you dare flush, giving away your position on the throne? It's gross and I won't have any of it. When I'm dictator of the world, I vow that...wait, what's that? I won't be? Oh.

Well then please remember to wash your hands.

Thursday, June 25, 2009


Regular readers (if any) will know that I abhor bad spelling. Yes, everyone makes typos, so that's fine. Or if you're in a rush and misspell something, knowing it's wrong, but don't have the time to check how it's actually written - I'll let that slide, too.

What I hate is people who consistently spell a word improperly. My friend the DoctaCSG mentioned recently that he hates it when people write "congradulations". I agreed with him and then I open up Facebook and sure enough, someone else wrote "congrads". Congrads? Are you for real? Have you ever read a book? Does it even sound like there's a D in there?

That's just one of the words I hate seeing misspelled (misspelled itself often being misspelled with only 1 s). Another thing that often tricks people is "should've". I very often see people write "should of". Only morons write this. If you write "should of", then tah-dah! I got news for you. You're a moron. Think about what you write. Does "should of" make any sense? It's supposed to be a contraction of "should have". "Should of" is meaningless and merely serves to flaunt your illiteracy to the world at large. But if you write "should of", then chances are your friends are illiterate too so there's not much chance that they'll read your grievous error.

Lastly, why are people tricked up by "ridiculous"? I've often seen it written "rediculous". It's not even pronounced that way. Does anyone outside of a Southern stereotype pronounce it "ree-diculous"? No. It's rid-iculous. Say it right. Do you say "ridicule" or "ree-dicule"? Exactly.

In short, stop being a dolt. Read a book now and then that isn't written by Stephenie Meyer and learn a god damned thing or two about proper use of language.

**Rant over.

Monday, June 08, 2009

Of all the things...

I've been going to the gym now for 5 years, about 3-4 times a week, and have noticed some gross habits of people. The grossest occurrence is usually gum-related, with people sticking their gum absolutely anywhere. I often wonder what goes through someone's mind when they stick gum in the elliptical machine's cupholder.

"Hmm, I'm chewing gum but I don't want it now. Should I walk the 10 steps to the garbage right over there or stick it in this cupholder in front of me, so that it'll stick to every subsequent user's water bottle?"

I think we all know the choice people like this make. I don't think I'm exaggerating when I suggest that these people should be shot for their crimes.

My point is, knowing full well what levels of nastiness the gym-going public may take to, the administration saw fit to put up this sign in the showers: Il est défendu de cracher dans les douches.

It's forbidden to spit in the showers. Really? Of all the unspeakable evil that may find its way in the showers (and trust me, there have been some notoriously horrific things that I've seen), they choose to remind people not to SPIT? Excuse me, management, but you're one letter off. Spitting is the least of our concerns.