The Mind and Musings of Me

Kindling a fire in the Amazon

2011-09-30T11:15:00.000-05:00

One of the worst-held secrets in the tech industry came out this week with Amazon unveiling the (unfortunately named) Kindle Fire. It will be interesting to see whether Amazon, with their pre-existing and successful ecosystem already in place, can compete with the iPad (in ways RIM and others couldn't), or indeed whether this device is even intended to do so in the first place. At half the iPad's size and missing some features (like a camera), one can argue this point. However, that's a discussion for another time. I'd like to discuss the other Kindle devices they're coming out with.

Full disclosure: I own a Barnes & Noble Nook Simple Touch. I understand that some Kindle users can be just as fanboyish as the worst Apple user but I'm trying to be allegiance-agnostic: I didn't buy the Nook out of hatred for Amazon, or indeed love for B&N. I'm a big fan of Amazon's, actually, and the Kindle is a fantastic device. It's just that, at the time of purchase, all the reviews pointed to the Nook being a great device, the Kindle's equal, if not superior. What clinched it for me is the touchscreen on the Nook. Everyone has realized what Amazon hadn't: keyboards aren't cool. Amazon has just realized this themselves because their upcoming Kindles have eschewed keyboards also, joining the rest of the world (except poor, misguided RIM) in the 21^st century.

I'm always interested in new technology and competition, as it forces everyone to up their game. I just hope Amazon isn't making a mistake by suddenly coming out with way too many varieties of the Kindle, leading to customer confusion. Let's run through them:

The Kindle we all know is being renamed the Kindle Keyboard. It comes in an ad-supported wifi and non-ad wifi/3G version.
Then there's the Kindle Touch coming out, similarly with an ad and non-ad version for wifi and wifi/3G.
There's also one simply called Kindle, again with ad and non-ad versions but only for wifi. This simple Kindle is a kind of budget version, with no touch screen, but has 5 navigation buttons. I can't imagine the hassle involved without a proper input method - I'd rather have a physical keyboard than no touch and 5 buttons! This Kindle has less memory and worse battery life than the others, to keep costs low.
Finally, the Kindle Fire.

So I count 10 different flavours, sure to confuse customers. If you're reading this blog, I assume you have some sense about you but let's face it: most people don't know much and purchase items with no research. They'll waltz into Best Buy and let an equally know-nothing sales rep talk them into buying something neither of them knows anything about. I think it would have been best if Amazon streamlined their Kindles to the Touch device only, keeping a cheaper ad-supported wifi version and a pricier non-ad wifi/3G version, while still coming out with the Fire (I'm really interested in seeing this machine in action).

It's not like Amazon needs more help selling Kindles. At least I don't think so, since Amazon doesn't release sales info to the public. But I assume they're selling very well, so why introduce a huge gamut of products? I think it's a misstep.

But that's just me, I could be wrong. They might set the e-book industry on "fire". See what I did there? Wordplay. :D

Good night, M. Night: Shyamalan's Futility

2011-07-06T13:15:00.001-05:00

I unfortunately had the mispleasure of seeing M. Night Shyamalan's The Last Airbender recently. I knew it would be awful but I was unprepared at just how awful it was.

I'd seen the animated series upon which the movie is based. The show is rich in storytelling, characters and imagination. It's great for all ages and pretty epic. The movie is none of that. I don't want to spend too much time criticizing the movie, but M. Night has successfully stripped away everything that made the show exciting and charming and instead made a movie consisting exclusively of poorly delivered exposition where stuff just seems to...happen...randomly, from one scene to the next. Just awful.

All this got me thinking, how does this man still get to make movies. And more than that, why do studios allow him to put his name above the title, as if he's a selling point. At this point, his name deters people from seeing his movies. Does his output still make money worldwide? Is that why he's allowed to continue, unchecked?

I had some time on my hands so I put together a list of the movies he's directed, versus their Rotten Tomatoes score, worldwide box office take, budget, and profit to the studio (which roughly amounts to 55% of the worldwide box office). Finding advertising budgets was the most difficult part, but I did my best internet sleuthing to come up with my figures.

To wit:

Movie	RT rating	Worldwide gross	Budget (production + marketing)	Studio's take	Profit
Wide Awake (1998)	41%	$1,288,000	$6M	$0.7M	($5.3M)
The Sixth Sense (1999)	85%	$672.8M	$65M	$370.0M	$305.0M
Unbreakable (2000)	68%	$248.1M	$101.5M	$136.5M	$35.0M
Signs (2002)	74%	$408.2M	$110.7M	$224.5M	$113.8M
The Village (2004)	43%	$256.7M	$116.0M	$141.2M	$25.1M
Lady in the Water (2006)	23%	$72.8M	$150.0M	$40.0M	($110.0M)
The Happening (2008)	18%	$163.4M	$130.0M	$89.9M	($49.1M)
The Last Airbender (2010)	6%	$319.7M	$280.0M	$175.8M	($104.2M)

I rounded the figures to the nearest tenth of a million. So there you have it, his last 3 movies have cost the studios around $250M. Incredible. Is it any wonder that each of those 3 movies was produced by a different studio? Nobody wants anything to do with him after a flop. Looks like Night is running out of studios to burn.

One thing I learned about movies from this exercise is that marketing budgets are often almost equal to production budgets. Most astounding is The Last Airbender's advertising budget: of that $280M total budget, $130M of it was for marketing.

Wow.

Is it any wonder why this man has no future credits listed on his IMDb page?

Double, double, toil and trouble-some bus passenger

2011-02-05T01:01:00.001-05:00

Long have I railed against buses and all the ills they introduce into the world. Never mind the diseased poles and infectious people whose mere breath carries with it sicknesses untold. And worse still, the evil bus drivers who delight in speeding off even though they could have easily slowed down to pick you up. But I digress. I am not here to discuss the actual bus system today. Nay, I issue this missive against the 40-something Greek lady who takes the #33 in the mornings.

Since moving to my current location, my bus situation is great. I have two buses I can take straight downtown in around 25 minutes, and both are generally pretty empty so I'm always guaranteed a seat. The easier of the two buses to catch, the 33, always comes right on time at the stop a mere handful of meters from my building. But then...there's this woman...Surely a coven someplace is missing their High Priestess.

First, the pettiness. She has this giant, black, weeping willow of a hairstyle and she's often dressed in dark garb. I'm surprised she even takes the bus to work - her broom must be in the shop.

Anyway, this woman immediately proceeds to take out her Motorola RAZR from her purse and dial. (Hey lady, 2006 called to say that even in 2006, the RAZR was old news.) She calls someone and talks. And talks and talks and talks for the entire duration of the ride. Can somebody tell me who she's talking to at 8:30 in the morning, EVERY morning?! I keep thinking of the poor soul on the other side.

...Phone ringing...

Person on other side of phone: Oh dammit, Baba-Yaga is calling me again. It's so damned early! But if I don't answer, she'll just keep calling. Awww fine.... Hello? Yes, I understand, your mother sucks, your boss is an idiot, you're overworked, blah blah blah...

BUT (yes, there is a but to this story), since the new year, I've noticed a sadness that has crept into this woman. She no longer talks on the phone every morning for half an hour. Lately, she has either been reading, or just sitting quietly.

My theory?

The person on the other line made a new year's resolution to sleep more.

Why, hello there, Kevin...

2010-10-29T09:03:00.003-05:00

Among classic stories that have gained in stature over time, the George Takei/Kevin tale needs no introduction.

What's that? It does? Fine. Let me introduce it.

The year was 2004. A few young geeks like us go down to Toronto for their annual FanExpo nerd convention. Imagine a huge convention center, full of toys, comics, t-shirts, games, dvds, and all manner of other geeky things you can imagine. Tens of thousands of people shuffling about, just itching to drop cash on useless collectibles, and get autographs and photos of scifi actors.

The crowd was thick around George Takei's table. We showed up just as he ended his autograph session. He stood and made his way through the crowd when he spotted a fresh faced Asian boy - our very own Kevin - and said "Hello there" in his inimitable voice. We were thrilled! At the time this all seemed totally innocuous...

...and then 1 year later, he came out of the closet. Suddenly, Takei's comment to Kevin had disturbing (but not unwelcome? :P) undertones. Was Takei hitting on Kevin but nobody knew it?

Over time, this story, like most good stories, became embellished. It went from, "Hello there" to "Why, hello there, Kevin" (he somehow gained knowledge of Kevin's name - more on this later), to finally "Why, hello there, Kevin - I'm staying in room 215 of the adjacent hotel". We all had a good laugh.

Fast forward to last night's Halloween episode of NBC's excellent comedy, "Community". For some reason, George Takei is bookending the episode with a voice-over. Why? Because he's awesome. But at the end of the episode, with no context at all, Takei says the following:

"I'm George Takei, and if your name is Kevin, here's a little freebie for your cell phone:
'Hi, Kevin can't come to the phone, he's on a spaceship with me, George Takei. Please leave a message.'
You're welcome, Kevins."

I think what happened here is obvious. Takei couldn't get Kevin out of his head and, from that day forth, spent insane manpower and money tracking him down, but all he could find was a first name: Kevin. So when given this opportunity, he cleverly slipped in a message on a nationally broadcast sitcom, in hopes that the true Kevin, our Kevin, would hear it and come a-callin'.

Kevin, the universe wants you and Takei together!

A little more judicious with the comments, please

2010-07-26T11:42:00.001-05:00

I'm sure I'm not alone in noticing this phenomenon on Facebook. Have you ever noticed that when girls post a shot of themselves, there's an automatic string of comments from her female friends saying "you're beautiful" or "ur so hawt" and things like that? The pics are usually them in a dress and they're usually alone, in some kind of phony glamour shot, often fishing for compliments, I feel. Maybe not. I don't know.

What I do know is that these comments are often not justified. It's like these girls' girlfriends feel it's their duty to automatically post compliments about how gorgeous their friend is when clearly they're not.

Ladies, at the risk of sounding like a jerk (too late?), if you only have girls telling you you're good-looking, it could go either way.

I'm just saying when your girlfriends tell you how great you look, there's a chance they're lying to you.

My ears, my precious ears...

2010-05-06T22:36:00.003-05:00

The other day, I heard something on the radio that was described as a song. It wasn't described as such by me, but the mere fact that it was playing on the radio, a medium designed to perpetrate songs, must mean this sonic nightmare can only be categorized as such.

A few seconds in, I recognized it as a new Black Eyed Peas single called "Imma Be". How did I know that's the title? Well, only because they repeat that phrase about ohhhh 105 times!

Has anyone heard this formless, meandering mess? It's ridiculous. At first, I was upset that a whole load of n'importe quoi could make it to the airwaves. If it had been me who came up with this song, it would be ridiculous. But no, if Will.I.Am poops out this drivel, it's a masterpiece.

But then it hit me. The Black Eyed Peas are in on the joke. They are indeed capable of catchy hooks so this song strikes me as purposefully uncatchy, crafted to be terrible just to see how far they can push the envelope before someone calls them out on their BS.

I have a vision of Will.I.Am, Fergie, and the other two nameless goobers who collect paycheques sitting around a room and just wondering aloud:
"What if we just say 'I'm going to be', followed by a load of nonsense of things we will be doing?"
"I like it but let's shorten that down to 'Imma bee', then use an image of a bee on the single's cover."
"Brilliant," they all say in unison, as they light cigars with $100 bills and pour Dom Perignon into diamond-studded gold chalices.

It's as if this new song is a parody of their other inane fare, like "My Humps". Hey, Peas, I get it. You're mocking yourselves and us, while at the same time trying to see if your joke of a song can pass as legit. Well, I refuse to let you have your cake and eat it too.

Self-parody in what appears to be an earnest release must be some form of avant-garde, meta-music but it still doesn't change the fact that much like the Dwarves of Moria digging too deeply, you've unwittingly unleashed an unspeakable horror upon an unsuspecting public. For shame...

I believe it's jogging or yogging, it might be a soft J

2010-05-04T23:02:00.003-05:00

Now that the weather has improved, I've recently taken up jogging outside. On days when I don't go to the gym or play soccer, I take a nice run around the neighbourhood - and in doing so, I've unwittingly joined a cult.

Have you ever noticed how bus drivers will always wave at each other when they pass by each other? Well, the same goes for joggers, apparently. It's like I've joined the Priory of Sion and had no clue. What bizarre fraternity have I stumbled into?

It goes something like this: I'm jogging down the street when another jogger comes the opposite way. He'll look at me and nod knowingly. Unwilling to let it slide, I nod back pretending I'm in the loop. I suppose I am in the loop now. Either that or I've consented to many untoward things with strangers.

Also of note: the nodding courtesy does not extend to bicyclists. Maybe there's a war between joggers and bikers of which I'm not aware but I looked quite the fool nodding to a dude on a bike the other day.

I'm late! I'm late! For a very important date!

2010-04-20T12:02:00.003-05:00

Has this happened to you?
You make an appointment to meet someone and he's late. Upon arrival, he'll often give you a line like, "It's not my fault, I'm on (insert ethnicity here) time."

Have you noticed how every group claims tardiness as their own, as if it's some kind of proud badge to wear?

"I'm on black time."
"I'm on brown time."
"Chinese people are always late for everything."

Etc etc, I've heard them all and they're all bogus.

You want to know the truth? EVERYone is always late for EVERYthing. It has nothing to do with your background. It's human nature of some kind. Speaking as an oft-late person myself, missing appointments has to do with procrastination, lethargy and the (lack of) availability of correctly set clocks.

Anybody can be on time for anything, provided you try. But seeing as how not trying is easier than trying, I'm afraid tardiness will continue to be a pandemic for races the world over.

Asia is a BIG continent

2010-03-15T22:40:00.004-05:00

Can someone tell me when people of Eastern Asian ancestry got a monopoly over the word Asian?

Back in the day, people would call others from China, Japan etc "Oriental" but now that word has fallen out of favour, some even deem it offensive. Oriental comes from the Latin word meaning East. So in English speaking countries, Oriental is simply describing people who come from parts of the world towards the East. What's so offensive about that? People routinely call Europe/America "the West" and nobody complains. Heck, Australia comes from the Latin word meaning "South" and they named their country that.

In fact, "Oriental" is just as imprecise as "Asian". Both need specification. Anywhere East of Europe/America is a huge expanse full of dozens of different peoples, just as calling someone "Asian" can refer to anyone from Iran to Japan.

Just to add further to the imprecise nature of using "Asian" to mean a very specific group of Asians, did you know that in the UK, "Asian" is typically used to refer to people from India and thereabouts? If you as an American tell an Englishman to meet you at the Asian restaurant down the street, you'll both find yourselves at different places.

All this to say, "East Asian" is the term that should be used for those who call themselves "Asian" in America. Using "Asian" alone is offensive to the billions in Asia who are not from the Eastern part of that continent.

The purpose of language is to convey meaning as precisely as possible. Appropriating a continent's denonym to refer to a subset of its inhabitants is purposefully muddying the issue.

The Long and Tall of It

2010-03-12T11:28:00.004-05:00

Alright, tall people. I don't like you and you don't like me. At least I assume you don't. I can't be sure.

I have a natural distrust of people much taller than me. Who knows what secrets they're hiding atop their heads? Anyway, I was reminded why I dislike the tall at a recent concert where I had a nice place staked out on the floor. At least I thought it was a nice place. That's when these giant men showed up and camped right in front of me. They were like a foot taller than me and just planted themselves there. I was not pleased.

Look, tall people. You should have the presence of mind to know you're huge. Concerts should be like class photos in elementary. The tall people should be at the back and then each subsequent row going forward gets incrementally shorter until the shortest are sitting cross-legged at the front. At least I'll be able to watch the show properly. And depending on who shows up, I might be sitting right in front of the stage too.

My favourite movies of 2009

2010-01-29T16:56:00.005-05:00

The end of a year inevitably leads to one thing that everyone loves. No, not resolutions. Year-end lists! So I'm throwing my hat into the ring with the five movies I most enjoyed in 2009. Bear in mind that these aren't in any particular order.

Star Trek.
How can I not include Star Trek on my list? As a huge Trek nerd, this movie certainly lived up to my lofty expectations for it. JJ Abrams had a difficult task ahead of him, namely how to start fresh while not negating all that's come before. The answer, in typical Trek fashion: alternate reality. Exciting, visually stunning and genuinely funny, this new movie is just so fun you don't care about the inconsistencies or coincidences.

Inglourious Basterds.
I think the last line of the movie pretty much sums it up: "I think this might just be my masterpiece". And I think it definitely is. This is possibly Quentin's best movie, certainly his best-told one. Each scene/vignette is expertly crafted.

Moon.
A small scifi movie that nobody saw, Moon is pretty much a one-man showcase for the generally underused Sam Rockwell. He plays a guy running a mining facility on the moon who suddenly meets someone very familiar up there. It's claustrophobic, short and really interesting. Those looking for explosions and whiz-bang effects should look elsewhere. This movie is story first.

Zombieland.
A guilty pleasure, Zombieland combined two things that should be in more movies: zombies and Bill Murray. Horror/comedy is a tricky stunt to pull off but Zombieland is really hilarious and Jesse Eisenberg does a passable Michael Cera impression to get the job done.

Taken.
While technically released in Europe in 2008, it only came here in 2009 so I'm including it, dammit. This might be the movie I enjoyed most this year. Liam Neeson plays what boils down to a Jack Bauer/James Bond/Jason Bourne hybrid, taking out rooms full of thugs with superior skill and training, in his quest to get his kidnapped daughter back. I can watch this movie over and over again and still not get tired of it. Qui-Gon for the win.

So that's my list. Granted, there are a bunch of allegedly good movies that I didn't get around to seeing yet (Up, Coraline, Fantastic Mr. Fox, The Hurt Locker) so I'm only going on what I have seen.

And yes, I purposefully left out Avatar. It was really good but I didn't enjoy it more than the movies I named above.

No pain no gain!

2009-11-25T22:06:00.002-05:00

I recently was solicited to donate money to a spin-a-thon benefiting overweight kids. The raised money would send them to a camp where they would lose weight. I'm sorry but I laughed so hard when I received this email.

There are plenty of worthwhile charities out there to feed starving kids and this one wants money to take kids who are eating too much food and make them lose weight? Why don't the overweight kids just participate in the spin-a-thon? Or better yet, why don't they give their excess food to the starving kids? Then we kill 2 birds with 1 stone.

Quick thought

2009-11-20T14:57:00.002-05:00

Does the word "rehearse" mean to "hearse again"? And if so, what does hearsing mean?

Words fascinate me.

Post Halloween Post

2009-11-10T14:53:00.005-05:00

We all love Halloween. As kids, it's a parent-approved way of loading up on sugar - unless your parents are complete squares, you know, the kind who would only let you watch CBC or something equally lame. As adults, we love Halloween because chocolates go on sale for 75% off normal price on November 1st and we get to go to Halloween parties.
It's been said plenty of times elsewhere and by funnier people than me that Halloween is the only time of year that gives ladies the chance to dress completely inappropriately and get away with it. That's all good and well and naturally, starting the next day, everyone's Halloween party photos start showing up everywhere, especially on Facebook as profile pics. But this leads me to my Complaint of the Month.
Those Halloween pics you thought were fun as a profile pic? They get old. Fast. The worst thing is people forget they put a picture of themselves as a sailor or nurse or cat or whatever and they leave that pic there for months on end, way past its best before date.
I urge people to swap our their Halloween pics from their Facebook profile no later than seven (7) days after Halloween itself.
Thank you for your understanding.

You lost me at Facebook

2009-09-22T22:15:00.003-05:00

I was reading an article today on CNN about how Nigerians were incensed at their portrayal in the (awesome) scifi movie District 9. Nigeria is demanding an apology etc etc blah blah whatever. Man, if I saw a movie where Armenians were evil people, I'd love the attention. Any publicity is good publicity! But I digress.

I was going to write a post about how sensitive everyone is now days when I noticed something in the article that is popping up with alarming regularity in recent times.

The depiction has sparked an outcry, including a Facebook group condemning its portrayal of Nigerians.

CNN saw fit to tell us that -GASP- a Facebook group denouncing something exists? Oh my god, then the complaint must be wholly legitimate! Prior to a Facebook group's creation, Nigerians' beef was totally immaterial but now hey watch out! A Facebook group will change everything.

In case you couldn't tell, I was being sarcastic. I'm not sure if the writers of these articles are even aware how stupid they sound. Hey Faith Karimi, next time you write a piece about anything other than Facebook, do not mention that a Facebook group exists. Anybody with two marbles shooting around in their skull will realize that writing something like that totally destroys whatever credibility the article was aiming for.

Do you even know how easy it is to make a Facebook group? In a matter of clicks and keystrokes, I could start a group warning people of the impending danger of super-grown Lyme ticks from the forests and how they'll rise up and enslave the human race. Just because there's a group out there, doesn't mean the argument has legitimacy.

For god's sake, in 2 seconds, I found this group on Facebook: "Protect Traditional South African Values: Reinstate Apartheid!" Seeing as how District 9 is a thinly veiled take on South Africa's institutionalized racism, why didn't Faith Karimi write an article about reinstating Apartheid and include this group as evidence that there's a push for it? There's a group for everything!

It makes me wonder about the state of journalism out there. It seems that anyone can get paid to write.

The only tomato that is rotten, sir, is yours!

2009-08-19T21:28:00.003-05:00

I have a beef with rottentomatoes.com. So much so that I didn't even make the preceding address a link, as to not give them extra traffic.

You see, everyone quotes a movie's score on RT (that's what us cool kids call it) as the final say on a movie's quality. But do you even know what that score represents?

RT (there's that cool moniker again!) recommends a movie as "fresh" if the aggregate score is 60%+. A movie is not recommended ("rotten", putting the R in RT) if the score is below that. But the thing is, they're not taking an average of all the reviews they cull from throughout the internet. They are using a binary system. If a movie got a recommendation, it will go in the fresh pile, regardless whether it got a lukewarm ok or a rave review. They are both counted the same according to this metric. Likewise, a movie whose individual score is less than 60%, say 2.5 stars on 5 in your local paper, will get a rotten tag. The reviewer may have been on the fence about a movie and thought it was just ok, but such a movie will be lumped together with god-awful dreck like the latest Transformers movie. Then, all the fresh reviews and all the rotten reviews are counted, and the score is given.

My problem with this is that there allows no room for nuance; it's either yes or no. Movies are a form of art and as such require shades of grey in between, something the fascist system at RT enforces.

However, all is not lost. Buried in tiny font to the right of the giant % score is "Average Rating". This is the true indication of what the critics think. It's the true average of the scores and a better indicator of the critical opinion of a movie. Were it not for this, RT would be a complete waste of time.

Either that or just go to metacritic.com.

Fan of Facebook

2009-08-10T06:05:00.003-05:00

I'm not sure exactly why this is, but I find it hilarious that Facebook allows people to be "fans" of things. I can understand becoming a "fan" of a band or a tv show on Facebook in order to see who else likes the same things as you to maybe have a discussion about it. But, like most things, people take this too far.

You can be a fan of just about anything on Facebook, it makes the word lose all meaning. I've seen some ridiculous things out there attracting fans, including (but not limited to) cuddling and sarcasm. Yay, I could be a fan of sarcasm. This is the greatest thing ever! I'm so awesome now!

I recently saw people become a fan of god and I thought this was too much. Firstly, the image associated with being a fan of god was a photo of Earth from space. Oooh, how divine! But the reason I find this funny is that I feel it should be offensive, no? On the one hand, you have people becoming fans of the Montreal Canadiens and Alexisonfire, yet the very same mechanism is used to be a fan of god. By no means a religious person, I would have thought that believers would be appalled at their almighty tritely being reduced to the same level as a local sports team or a terrible musical act.

Even better than being a fan of god is being a fan of peace. I kid you not, I have seen people become fans of peace on Facebook. What a conversation piece that is!

You're a fan of peace?! Wow, that's like so deep, man! Who would have known peace is something that would attract fans? Personally, I don't care for it but since I saw that you became a fan of it on Facebook, it totally changed my life. I, too, enjoy peace now. The power of Facebook compels me!

Why not become a fan of oxygen while you're at it?

All this to say that life was better before Facebook came along, allowing me to guess at people's stupidity instead of having it confirmed by their postings.

More grammar!

2009-07-21T11:05:00.002-05:00

Due to popular request, I will now delve into a sticky situation to many, namely further vs. farther.

Farther should be used when discussing distances, when referencing a measurable amount of miles or kilometers or whatever.
For instance, "My house is farther east than yours.

Further should be used when talking about something more nebulous, a relative amount of something, generally not distance-related. For example, "You have to read further in that book to get to the good part." This example means that you'd have to advance in the book from your current page to get to an interesting bit.

Similarly, people often misuse "less" and "fewer". Fewer should be used when talking about something that you can readily count. For example, "I have fewer books than you."

Less should be used when you're discussing something that cannot be counted individually. "I drank less water today than yesterday" would be an example. Water isn't something that you can count individually. It's a mass quantity.

If you ever see those express lanes at the grocery store that say "12 items or less", that's not correct. If you're feeling particularly jerkish, you should demand they change it to the correct "12 items or fewer", since items are something that can be counted individually.

There are some exceptions, of course. It sometimes gets tricky with time and money. "That movie was less that an hour and a half" is acceptable, even though hours can be counted individually. Also, "I made less than $100 this week" could also pass as correct. But the phrase "fewer dollars" is ok but it's "less money". Dollars can be counted but money is a mass amount.

Confusing sometimes, eh?

The only victim is common sense

2009-07-10T10:20:00.003-05:00

To glean some insight into this posting, I refer you to this article:

http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/europe/07/10/spain.pamplona.bulls.death/index.html

Surprise, someone got killed at the running of the bulls! What's more of a surprise to me is that more people aren't dispatched at this event. Put aside the inherent stupidity of such an event for a moment and let us concentrate on the use of the word "victim" in the article. My feeling is that if you're purposefully putting yourself in harm's way, and then that harm comes to you, then you're not a victim. You're a fool.

Let's see. Crowds of people. Angry bulls. Sharp horns. Yeah, what did you think would happen? Like I mentioned up top, I'm surprised more people aren't gored to death.

If I'm skydiving and my parachute doesn't open, I wouldn't consider myself a victim. If some lady is looking at herself in her mirror, while holding a cigarette in one hand and the wheel in the other (as I witnessed just yesterday), and gets into an accident, she's not a victim nor is that an accident. If that same lady kills someone in the accident, then the other party is a victim.

It's sad that this guy got killed but it was 100% preventable by anyone with any scruples. The only victim here is common sense.

Grammar!

2009-07-07T19:29:00.002-05:00

On the heels of my controversial blog post on spelling, here comes another language peeve of mine. Me vs I.

Why can't people get it straight?

For example:

You and I were invited for supper. --> Correct.
The teacher asked you and I to stay after class. --> Wrong!

Only when you are the subject of the sentence do you use I. An easy trick is is to eliminate all others from the sentence:

I [was] invited for supper. --> Correct.
The teacher asked I to stay after class. --> Wrong and sounds stupid, too.

It should be: The teacher asked me to stay after class. Likewise, adding more people would make it: The teacher asked you and me to stay after class.

See, easy, right?

So now you shouldn't have any problems keeping me and I straight. Unless you're from Laval, then you start all your sentences with both.

Me, I don't like that.

This washroom's not for yakkin'!

2009-06-26T12:51:00.003-05:00

As talkative as I may be, there is one place that I consider to be a bastion of quiet. I refer, of course, to the public washroom.

No matter if you're my best friend, I always feel uncomfortable talking to someone in the washroom. I really find it weird that people will chit chat while there are things coming out of you. Gross.

It's not bad enough that people talk to each other in the washroom, but what is the etiquette for cell phone usage? I say it should be put away and not even looked at, for fear of contamination. I mean, this thing is going right near your mouth.

So imagine my horror when I was in the washroom earlier and someone is carrying a phone conversation sitting atop the toilet. This is obviously something I frown upon. Imagine the person on the other end! What happens when you finish your business but your conversation is still ongoing? Do you sit there over a pot of waste matter? Do you dare flush, giving away your position on the throne? It's gross and I won't have any of it. When I'm dictator of the world, I vow that...wait, what's that? I won't be? Oh.

Well then please remember to wash your hands.

Spelling!

2009-06-25T09:59:00.003-05:00

Regular readers (if any) will know that I abhor bad spelling. Yes, everyone makes typos, so that's fine. Or if you're in a rush and misspell something, knowing it's wrong, but don't have the time to check how it's actually written - I'll let that slide, too.

What I hate is people who consistently spell a word improperly. My friend the DoctaCSG mentioned recently that he hates it when people write "congradulations". I agreed with him and then I open up Facebook and sure enough, someone else wrote "congrads". Congrads? Are you for real? Have you ever read a book? Does it even sound like there's a D in there?

That's just one of the words I hate seeing misspelled (misspelled itself often being misspelled with only 1 s). Another thing that often tricks people is "should've". I very often see people write "should of". Only morons write this. If you write "should of", then tah-dah! I got news for you. You're a moron. Think about what you write. Does "should of" make any sense? It's supposed to be a contraction of "should have". "Should of" is meaningless and merely serves to flaunt your illiteracy to the world at large. But if you write "should of", then chances are your friends are illiterate too so there's not much chance that they'll read your grievous error.

Lastly, why are people tricked up by "ridiculous"? I've often seen it written "rediculous". It's not even pronounced that way. Does anyone outside of a Southern stereotype pronounce it "ree-diculous"? No. It's rid-iculous. Say it right. Do you say "ridicule" or "ree-dicule"? Exactly.

In short, stop being a dolt. Read a book now and then that isn't written by Stephenie Meyer and learn a god damned thing or two about proper use of language.

**Rant over.

Of all the things...

2009-06-08T08:00:00.003-05:00

I've been going to the gym now for 5 years, about 3-4 times a week, and have noticed some gross habits of people. The grossest occurrence is usually gum-related, with people sticking their gum absolutely anywhere. I often wonder what goes through someone's mind when they stick gum in the elliptical machine's cupholder.

"Hmm, I'm chewing gum but I don't want it now. Should I walk the 10 steps to the garbage right over there or stick it in this cupholder in front of me, so that it'll stick to every subsequent user's water bottle?"

I think we all know the choice people like this make. I don't think I'm exaggerating when I suggest that these people should be shot for their crimes.

My point is, knowing full well what levels of nastiness the gym-going public may take to, the administration saw fit to put up this sign in the showers: Il est défendu de cracher dans les douches.

It's forbidden to spit in the showers. Really? Of all the unspeakable evil that may find its way in the showers (and trust me, there have been some notoriously horrific things that I've seen), they choose to remind people not to SPIT? Excuse me, management, but you're one letter off. Spitting is the least of our concerns.

Peggle: A real life Ktarian mind game

2009-04-28T09:15:00.002-05:00

I thought I could resist the notorious infestation that is Peggle but I couldn't resist. It's like the Ktarian mind game that Etana Jol gives Riker in that episode of TNG. Everyone's addicted to it and is pressuring me to play. I resisted long enough, hoping to be the Wil Wheaton in this scenario but I ended up being the Ashley Judd...lasting long without playing but not until the very end.

If some of you are still unfamiliar with this game, it's essentially a videogame variation on pinball where you have to hit all the orange pegs on the board before you run out of balls. The balls themselves could have special powers, too. The appeal of the game is basically visual and auditory stimulation. The colours are so vibrant and flashy and the sounds are so...satisfying that it makes you come back for more.

When I close my eyes, all I see are orange and blue pegs and all I can hear is Beethoven's Ode to Joy rattling about my skull.

Now if only Data would show up with a palm beacon to disrupt the mind-controlling effects of the game.

Susan Boyle: My $0.02

2009-04-23T20:59:00.002-05:00

This past week, this Susan Boyle woman has apparently captured the world's attention by singing well on a British talent show.

As if that's not pathetic in and of itself, the fact that this woman is absolutely hideous cannot be ignored. What's that, you say? Calling her hideous is terribly mean? Not so, I counter. At least I'm calling it as it is. Everyone else who buys into this phenomenon are the mean ones for being complicit in mocking this woman.

I pose the following question. Is she the best singer who's come across one of these talent programs? The answer is no. Have better singers than her become sensations like this? The answer again is no. So why is Susan Boyle so special?

Because she's hideous. That's a fact and anyone who says differently is lying to themselves.

The contrast between her appearance and her singing also exposes a ridiculous prejudice in people, that being only good looking people could have some talent. Heaven forbid that ugly folks could do something well.

All this to say, if you're buying into this hype, at its root, she's only anything because of her lack of appearance.

On top of everything, what makes it even worse is that this is obviously a calculated maneuver. As if she didn't have to go through many stages of screening before making it on tv. And there is Simon Cowell, feigning incredulity at this woman. Word is he's busy signing her to record deals and will put out CDs to make a few bucks off her back while the iron is hot.

Shameful.

Years of research

2009-04-21T06:14:00.003-05:00

After years of consuming candy bars, I think I am eminently qualifies to render judgment on which one is the best. Yes, there is an ebb and flow to my tastes, depending on the day. Sometimes I love a Wunderbar, other times a Coffee Crisp will do the trick. But there's one bar that will always hit the spot.

Crispy Crunch.

There's something about the crispiness of that centre portion interacting with the outside chocolate shell that just so satisfying. And most of all, it tastes fantastic. Sure, the peanut flakes might get stuck in your molars but that's an added bonus, a time-release flavour delivery system, if you will.

What's your favourite bar?

Ppl wh dsmvwl r th scm f th rth

2009-03-19T11:21:00.005-05:00

There is a disturbing trend online lately that upsets me to no end. It is this phenomenon called disemvoweling which is the process whereby someone would post a message and then remove all the vowels from their text. Why, you may ask? I have no clue other than that the internet is full of idiotic degenerates who take great delight in the wanton murder of linguistic skills.

Now, we all know that the internet is a bastion for cave-dwelling miscreants who post and lurk on internet forums (see this theory here) but this new movement is bringing it to a new low.

Stop the madness, everyone! Shun those who spurn conventions of language and justice! Spellers of the world, unite!

Anyone have a +3 helm?

2009-03-12T21:56:00.005-05:00

After weeks of taunting and provocation, I finally jinxed myself. I got a cold.

Yes, I can't remember the last time I was sick. It must have been before last winter, 1+ years ago. Here I am, felled by the unpredictable weather.

Look, it's going to be 9 degrees in the afternoon!...but -5 in the morning! Which coat do I wear?

Well, f@#& you, Quebec winters!

Alas, it seems I failed my saving throw. I need to improve my constitution.

At least I'm feeling better now! I could put away my write-you-own-will kit.

East Block Mario's?

2009-02-01T14:07:00.003-05:00

Has anyone seen the new ad for East Side Mario's? Wow, if I were Italian, I'd maybe be offended...if I could stop laughing for a moment.

In case you haven't seen it, the voice over is done in a way that's supposed to sound like a typical Noo Yawk Italian accent. But it ends up anything but. It not only fails but fails spectacularly on a scale seldom seen.

The guy doing the accent sounds like he's from Eastern Europe, acting in a community theatre recreation of Goodfellas. It even took me a while to understand what the commercial was going for. It's that bad.

Honestly, they couldn't actually go get a New Yorker? Just go, pick up any New Yorker off the street, pay him a couple of bucks and boom, you have an authentic accent. Hell, I could do a better accent. How this guy passed the audition is beyond me.

Change you can't believe

2009-01-16T07:24:00.001-05:00

I usually don't get political on this blog, but here's just a quick observation for the moment:

People say that Obama's election proves that anyone can become president?

To that I say, really?? I thought the election of Bush showed that anyone can become president.

Comic Crossovers and Big Ethel

2009-01-08T22:53:00.006-05:00

I love comics.

A great tragedy of my life (among many, I suppose) is that I don't have the time, effort nor will to dispose money to read all the comics that I want.

Despite not having read all the comics that I wish I had, I do know a thing or two about them, namely that crossovers are teh awesomez!!!!1!!one!!eleven!!!!.

I remember a time (which I suppose still goes on) when Spider-Man guested in EVERYone's books, whether he had a reason to be there or not. I always thought it was ridiculous how Marvel would shoe-horn a beloved character anywhere, in the hopes that some bozo kid would see the cover, with a happy bubble proclaiming "Guest starring: Spider-Man!" and pick up issues of a series he would never have even considered previously.

Fine. I get it. Spidey is popular so let's plaster him everywhere.

But then how does one explain these crossovers?

SNL and Spidey?
Letterman and the Avengers?

I can't decide which one I love the most, Don Rickles with Jimmy Olsen or Muhammad Ali vs Superman. Both titanic issues in their own right, I imagine.

One thing is for sure, though. The moment Jughead makes a terrible pun about hamburgers or makes a snide comment about Big Ethel, Frank Castle would blown his head off and steal his crown.

Aside: Has anyone kept up with Archie comics? In my day (and waaaay before, dating back to the 40s), Ethel was drawn to be really ugly, quite mannish, and very undesirable. But I suppose that's politically incorrect these days so now they draw her as a normal-ish looking girl who's not that terrible to be around.

Way to stick to your guns, Archie Comics. What the hell, man?... What the hell?

Says who?

2008-10-20T22:15:00.002-05:00

I like watching the Amazing Race. I haven't seen a full season in a while because I never know when it's on but I really enjoy seeing faraway lands and the fascinating local customs they have that are then trivialized and turned into games for dimwitted Americans to flub. There is one concern I do have, though.

The title.

The Amazing Race? Really? Who are they to tell me what kind of race this will be? I didn't sign up for this show just to have the producers editorialize in the title. Let me be the judge of the race's adequacy. From season to season, depending on the format and locations, some races are less amazing than others. Some seasons could be The Satisfactory Race, or The Excellent Race, or The Barely Tolerable Race, or if it's a particularly boring season, The Somnambulistic Race.

Hmmmm, I suppose the same logic could apply to this blog.

Simons says...eat sumfin!

2008-10-11T15:42:00.003-05:00

A while back, there was a controversy over the Simons catalog for women. Apparently, all the girls in it were disgustingly skinny, as if they had just escaped from some POW camp and hadn't seen a decent meal since the last prisoner exchange. The outcry was so bad that Simons recalled the catalog and apologized.

Then the men's catalog came out.

If you haven't seen this thing, here's a link:

http://www.simons.ca/Catalogue/ToutesLesPages.aspx?ObjectID=8c4ba38b-7ea9-4493-925a-ef642588244e.

Not only is the guy in this catalog frail like an autumn leaf but his demeanour and dress make me think he was the prison guard keeping the women. Whose bright idea was it to dress this guy like he's a sociopath Nazi? In some of these pics, all he needs is a swastika on his sleeve and he could be goosestepping down the streets of Berlin. And then the photo on page 13 looks like he's leaving a murder scene that he committed. I assume it's the same look OJ had back in the day.

I urge anyone not to buy anything featured in this catalog. Not because the choice of model and poses was ridiculously ill-conceived, but because the clothes therein are so hideous. I like Simons and regularly buy clothes from there. I know they have nice stuff...so why not feature any of it in this magazine? Wow, what a miscalculation of their part. Who was the ad wizard behind this one?

Writing

2008-08-30T09:19:00.002-05:00

Hey, faithful readers (if any!). I know I haven't written much of late, but that ust not true. I haven't written much on my blog. I have been writing a lot on my ~~epic~~ scifi ~~novel~~ ~~book~~ ~~story~~ sequence of pages. The first draft is nearly complete. I'll write more in this space as it moved forward.

Until then, keep checking up on me. If there's one thing I love, it's talking about myself. So please be interested!

Writer's block

2008-07-29T10:56:00.003-05:00

Have you ever read a book and figured, "hey, this book is pretty terrible. How did it get published?" and then feel that you could write something better? Well I have and a little over a year ago, I decided to do something about it. So I plotted out a clever little story and once I was satisfied, I started writing.

Fast forward a year and a bit and all I have to show for it is 40,000 words and 135 pages. When you have a million little things to do, writing takes a back seat to most activities. However, by sneaking in little bouts of typing here and there, I am happy to report that my novel is almost done. I have but a few more chapters to go before my first draft is complete and I cannot wait for the day. Until then, here is a brief "back cover"-type synopsis to whet your appetites.

A journey through the stars forces a gang of outcasts to stop an evil robot plan to annihilate all sentient life in the galaxy. Along the way, they inadvertently stumble upon the secret nature of time and destiny.

Feeling old

2008-06-28T01:12:00.002-05:00

Being an engineer, I revel in all things technogeeky. To wit, I love syncing my Xbox 360 to my computer to stream files, etc. In the same vein, I have it so that my Xbox Live account is linked to my Windows Live Messenger account, so that when I'm playing Xbox, I appear on Messenger with a message telling my contact what I'm playing.

Recently, I was playing some Xbox when a teenage fellow from my friends list sent me a message of surprise. He said that he doesn't know many adults who play Xbox.

Oof, that hit me like a stake through the heart. The dreaded A-word. In the eyes of this high school kid, I'm an adult. An old man. I might as well have a walker and one of those comically large horns in my ear to hear people talk (yell?) at me.

Long story short, that's the first time I've really felt old and I didn't care for it too much.

Oh and also, I don't know what "adults" this guy knows, but I only know "adults" who play video games. The average age of a gamer is apparently over 30. So nyuh! I'm below-average there.

Hmmmm PANTS!

2008-06-26T12:20:00.001-05:00

Quick observation.

Has anyone else noticed that the letter "A" in Samsung's logo looks like a pair of pants?

No? Just me?

Bah, forget it.

Jonesing for Indiana

2008-05-26T18:14:00.006-05:00

A lot has been said by now of the new Indiana Jones movie so I'll throw in my two cents.

Let me preface this by stating that I am a huge fan. I periodically watch the movies to refresh myself on them. There was a time when I was a kid where I'd watch a beat up old betamax tape of Temple of Doom almost every week. I virtually know that movie by heart (no pun intended). So you can tell that I've waited the majority of my life to see a new Indy adventure and here, 19 years after the last one, we get Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. I won't spoil the plot for those who haven't seen it but suffice it to say that I wasn't expecting Indiana Jones meet the X-Files.

After seeing it, I can't believe that the majority of critics really liked this movie. Not to say it's good or bad, but the story seems to me tailor made to be hated by critics. Also, reading around the net, the opinion on the flick is very divided, with longtime fans loving it, hating it or thinking it was merely ok. As of right now, I fall into that last category. The movie had some good, some bad (maybe more bad than good), but in the end, seeing Indy on the big screen was enough to lift it to an ok rating in my book.

The good: I thought the action sequences were fun and inventive as usual. The movie started strong and then what followed had a hard time to live up to that. Movies don't normally film in sequence but I'm told that they filmed the beginning on the movie first and it shows. It takes a little while for Harrison Ford to get comfortable under the fedora but after a while, he's back in the saddle like he never left. His delivery is getting a bit slow in his old age but he still has the chops and most importantly the silly faces (like after the ride on the rocket sled). They even managed to keep true to some Indy staples. There are gross bugs, both real (scorpions) and CGI (ants!). Indy gets soundly beaten by a big tough henchman. There's the improvisation to get out of situations. There was a lot to like such as the little references to past Indy adventures, including one to the Young Indy tv show.

Using Russians as the baddies is the obvious way to go and I liked how they said Stalin was interested in developing psychic warfare, much like Hitler was obsessed with the occult. The villainess was good, too, as Cate Blanchett played the Russian accent for laughs, as if she was Natasha from the old Rocky and Bullwinkle shows.

The bad: I won't fault the out-there story at all. I find stories like this one interesting. Indy movies are supposed to be a reflection of the B-movies of the era in which they take place. Since this movie is set in 1957, you gotta look at what the B-movies of the time were and this is what you get. My problem is with the lazy direction. I read somewhere that it was directed as if Spielberg had "one eye on the exit". I like that line so I'll lift it here. Deliveries of lines were off, missing beats. At some places, you know that there was a joke delivered but the reading of the lines just didn't drive home the funny.

I also think the inclusion of Marion from Raiders of the Lost Ark was a mistake. She really adds nothing and in fact I found she was pretty grating. In fact, there were too many characters. At one point, Indy is leading a team of 5 (including himself). I suppose they felt he's too old to carry the movie by himself so they surrounded him with allies but I disagree. I actually found the Mutt Williams character wasn't too bad. I thought from the onset that he'd be a horrible addition but he kind of grew on me. It should have been him and Indy running around.

Sean Connery would have been an improvement, too. It's obvious what role he was supposed to play and his inclusion would have brought a great deal of cred to the movie but since he insists on staying retired, we get a character we don't know doing things we don't necessarily care about.

Lastly, I fault Spielberg for the sometimes phony look of the movie. He insisted on filming the entire thing within the USA, instead of going on location like past Indy movies and it shows. To get the desired vistas for their locations, they relied on CGI and it shows. He did the same thing in this movie that ruined A.I. for me, namely going a few scenes too many. Indy 4 could very much have benefited from implying the ending and keeping some mystery. But it seems that Spielberg has lost his touch for subtlety and he went all out at the end, explicitly spelling out the terms of the deal. In addition to this, the original cinematographer of the Indy movies is in his 90s (he hasn't done a movie since Last Crusade). The new guy they brought on board is Spielberg's go-to cinematographer and he photographed this movie in a way that looks completely different than the others and it shows.

But to all the naysayers who complain that certain sequences are utterly unbelievable, I ask: have you even seen the other movies? Granted, Raiders is the most realistic of the bunch, but once you accept that Indy can jump out of a plane in an inflatable raft and survive, you gotta pretty much accept anything.

I enjoyed the 2 hours watching Indy 4. I laughed at times, I cringed at some gross things and creepy moments...and I also cringed at some embarrassingly bad sequences. But in the end, I had fun but it's just not as memorable as the original movies, due mostly to uneven dialogue and languid direction.

I read somewhere that Spielberg made Last Crusade to apologize to fans for Temple of Doom, which was hated in its day (but I personally love). I hope Spielberg and co. agree to make another Indy for the same reasons, but this time, bring him back to his archeology roots and not venture so far on the paranormal/supernatural side.

And to all you "worst movie ever!" reactionaries, I say please, it wasn't that bad.

Suitable Behaviour

2008-05-12T21:16:00.002-05:00

It's incredible how the preconceptions of folks works. I was recently wearing a suit and you'd be surprised how incredible everyone treats you, especially in stores. If you walk into a store with a suit, people assume you are respectable (ie have money) and they will serve you immediately. For all they know, I could be a murderer walking around in a suit and the staff at stores wouldn't know.

The best is going into a Wal-Mart in a suit, which I have once done. A suit is so far beyond anything anybody wears there that it just confuses the employees. At Wal-Mart, as long as you're wearing pants and some kind of stitched cloth around your torso, then you're good to go. Wearing a suit to Wal-Mart is like swatting a fly using an atomic bomb. It's super-over-kill.

I think this would be a great sociological experiment. Take a criminal, dress him in a suit and parade him through stores and see the respect he'll get. And then on the other hand, bring Gandhi in wearing his robes and see how people avoid him.

It's a riot!

2008-04-23T19:06:00.003-05:00

We all joked about the possibility of a riot if the Habs won the series but I don't think anyone actually believed it. In retrospect, I'm glad that for Game 5, I parked in an underground garage, because if they won that night, there would have been riots and my car would have been wrecked. But I digress.

My point is riots for a sports team winning is stupid. I mean, your team won! Why are you destroying things? I mean, I could understand more if the team lost and you're pissed. But how is going Bruce Banner all over town related to your team's win? There's a huge disconnect right there. And worst of all, it's the first round! When did Montreal lower its standards of hockey to the point where we riot for a first round victory? Previously, we'd only celebrate the big win with looting and police cruiser burning.

Anyway, the cops are apparently going to review youtube videos and facebook photos to try to identify more rioters and I think that's a great use of a waste of time. These people shame the rest of the fans who aren't nutjobs. The rioters are not even real fans. They're just a bunch of drunken louts looking to cause trouble in a mob mentality.

I think cops should be allowed to shoot rioters. That'll put an end to it quickly.

Bonding with my dvds

2008-03-26T09:06:00.004-05:00

I have so many dvds that I've bought and haven't watched, it's incredible. I made a conscious effort to dig into my backlog, starting with the Bond movies.
I have all of them, the first 20 in the Ultimate Edition box sets, and Casino Royale separately. First, let me tell you about the Ultimate Edition Bond box sets. Next to the extended edition Lord of the Rings box sets, these Bond ones are the most fantastic dvd productions I've seen. From packaging to booklets to the in-movie menus, everything is incredible. The picture quality for all the films has been cleaned up to the point that they look new. It's such an amazing job that they did. Let's not forget about the exhaustive extra features for every movie, as well. I was spending maybe 4-5 hours per movie (that's the film and the extras combined).
Anyway, I'm finally done watching them and I will render judgment. Since there are 21 Bond movies, I'll split it into thirds.

Top 007

Casino Royale (best)

Goldfinger

GoldenEye

From Russia with Love

The Spy Who Loved Me

On Her Majesty's Secret Service

For Your Eyes Only

Bottom 007

Moonraker

You Only Live Twice

A View to a Kill

The Man with the Golden Gun

The World Is Not Enough

Diamonds Are Forever

Licence to Kill (worst)

Now I'm all ready for Quantum of Solace, coming out October 31st. Bring it on!

Naked gold statues

2008-03-03T10:06:00.003-05:00

I know you're all waiting with bated breath on my opinion on recent movies. This is the first year in which I've seen all 5 Best Picture nominees. Last year, I caught 4 of them, yet in 2005, I saw none...go figure.

Anyway, having seen all 5, I feel as an informed movie goer and part-time critic, I am qualified to give my opinions on them. Here they are, short and sweet, albeit a week late:

Atonement:
Yes, I know, most guys reading this will think it's not the type of movie they'd see. They probably think it's some romantic period piece...which it kinda is. But not really. It's about a girl in WW2-era England who makes a tragic mistake that pretty much screws over her sister's boyfriend and she tries to work the rest of her life to fix the problem. It was a pretty solid movie but I don't know if it should be Best Picture quality. The character of the girl was infuriating, though. It was purposeful but still. I didn't see the ending coming and what happens makes it all the more maddening.
Oscar-worthy moment: The long, sweeping, unbroken sequence when the soldiers arrive on the beach waiting for evacuation. That was really something.

Juno:
Juno is the little movie that could. Of the 5 nominees, it has made the most money of them all, which is something. This flick got crazy word of mouth and people falling over themselves loving it but if you really look at it, there are a bunch of faults. The "too hip for the room" dialogue is way over the top, at least for the first third of the movie. It's like nobody reviewed the script to space out all the catchphrases, resulting in a movie front-heavy with things people will never say anywhere ever. Not even fictional characters. "Honest to blog"? Really? "This is one diddle that can't be undone, Homeskillet."? Cmon...The opening scene with The Office's Rainn "Dwight Schrute" Wilson is almost unbearable. But the movie does get better and becomes enjoyable. Next, the music was trying way too hard to be quirky and indie. It's screaming "look at me! I'm hip! I'm with it!" and was highly manipulative in that way. Sure I liked the tunes but I still think it's too calculated for its own good. The supporting actors are really good, too. "George"-Michael Cera can do no wrong!
Oscar-worthy moment: Hmmm...I really can't pick a moment right now. Nothing is jumping out at me. I guess the final scene when they're playing guitar and the camera pulls back.

...Speaking of Michaels...

Michael Clayton:
George Clooney is always great (except for that movie there...with superheroes...Batman and something...ugh). This is a movie about a lawyer whose firm is defending a pharmaceutical company that is most likely in the wrong. The performances were pretty good all around (especially Tom Wilkinson) but I'm not sure that Tilda Swinton lady was deserving of her Oscar. She's really good in it but I didn't detect anything exceptionally special. The movie gets slow at times but if otherwise satisfying.
Oscar-worthy moment: The next to last scene when the lady's lip is quivering. That was great. In your face!

No Country For Old Men:
This is a tough movie. On the surface, it's about a guy who finds $2M and the other guy who is trying to kill him for it. But then, when the movie ends super abruptly, you're like what? You then realize that what you saw wasn't nearly as straight forward as it seemed. It's not a movie for casual audiences, who will undoubtedly hate the movie for its ending. I mean, Tommy Lee Jones opens that motel room door and the guy isn't there? What the hell was that? NCFOM is something that you'll think about for a while. The dialogue is really great, it's often bloody and has a whacked out ending but I was rapt with attention in every scene. Really good.
Oscar-worthy moment: When the killer is at the gas station and makes the guy call the coin flip. They both know they're deciding the guy's fate but neither of them overtly say it. It makes for a great, tense scene.

There Will Be Blood:
This is as close to an epic as we got this year. It follows the life of Daniel Plainview, a guy who strikes it rich in the oil biz and as his fortunes increase, his mental togetherness goes south. It's also the story of an equally ambition and greedy priest who's trying to leech onto Plainview and ride him for power and money. In the end. The titular blood refers to oil, ie the blood of the earth, however conventional blood does make an appearance in this 158 minute long movie. Daniel Day-Lewis is amazing in anything he does. It's a shame he doesn't make more movies. This movie also has a controversial ending, with many people saying it's not a satisfying cap to everything that came before it. I can understand that argument but I still loved this flick. There's something about the direction/cinematography/whatever that really captured my imagination. The music was also unconventional, reminding me of the awesome discordant score to tv's Lost. Is there a message to the movie? I'm not sure. It could just be a chronicle of this character's ups and downs. Regardless, I think it's great film that doesn't quite reach masterpiece. It would have been my pick for Best Picture. Food for thought, are Paul and Eli the same person? Discuss...
Oscar-worthy moment: Take your pick. Either the baptism scene ("I abandoned my boy!") or the final scene ("I drink your milkshake").

There you have it, folks. I'll hope to do the same this time next year, provided I see all of 2008's best movies. I hope you appreciated this.

Cat Eyes

2008-02-14T13:35:00.007-05:00

I feel I must give my two cents about this new eye makeup style girls seem to be sporting everywhere. Have you noticed girls lately have a line of colour extending away from the corners of their eyes? It's the cat eye makeup look and I am totally baffled by it. Unless you're Cleopatra, this look should be avoided. People, Amy Winehouse is not someone to whom you should aspire to be.

Firstly, people who wear this style look like they simply didn't know what they're doing and applied their makeup in a bus while it hit a bump in the road. Secondly, and most importantly, everyone is now wearing this style so if you're doing it this late in the game, then you're a complete and utter tool.

Exceptions may be made on a case by case basis, however. Please contact me with your photos for judgment.

Writers of the world, continue uniting!

2008-02-04T09:51:00.000-05:00

As the writer's strike in Hollywood appears to be ending, I cannot help but feel a pang of sadness. When the strike began, I feared that the lack of my favourite shows would be a real blow to my (anti-)social life. How would I ~~kill~~ spend my time? But as the new episodes of shows dried up, I found myself experiencing a strange feeling of freedom. The strike proved to be my very own personal William Wallace. Suddenly, I had a lot of free time in the evening. So how did I fill this time?

Well, with many hours free to me, I finally got around to doing things I've been meaning to do for a long time. I read a bunch of books that I've had languishing on my shelf. I wrote on my novel some more and fleshed out more of the plot (for a hint of its plot, I was inspired by this album and especially its artwork). I turned to my ever increasing dvd collection and started making my way through the ones that I bought but never even watched. I began playing video games that I had bought or received as gifts but whose shrink wrap I never opened. I even started catching up on old seasons of tv shows I've been meaning to watch but never got around to. (I know there is a certain hilarity in that I deem it a success to watch more tv shows to fill in the time when my other shows are out of commission but you must understand that I'm OCD-esque like that. If I have anything outstanding on my mind, it'll bother me until it's done.)

Now that the strike appears to be ending soon, what will I do? I've been steadily making my way through all the Bond movies (in order!) that I bought long ago. Will the return of new episodes put a stop to that project? What of my long in development novel? Will it die on the vine? I am supremely grateful that we'll probably get a full season of Lost and 24 will come back at one point but having no new scripted shows opened my eyes. I liken myself to that Simpsons episode "Itchy & Scratchy & Marge" where the Itchy & Scratchy show gets super lame and all the kids discover the outdoors and a world without tv. Or perhaps I'm the labouring children from Temple of Doom, escaping the slavery of network television for the freedom of a village soon to be blessed by the magical Sankara stones, or in this analogy, the freedom of doing basically anything else. In any case, my future leisure hours remain up in the air, to be divvied up as I see fit. Is less television in my future? Only time (and persuasive advertising) will tell.

PS3: My Secret Shame

2008-01-23T12:03:00.000-05:00

I'm no fan of Sony on the whole. This is mainly because of the smugness they keep displaying, shoveling out inferior products and then telling the masses to like it and if they don't, then it's because they don't understand the sheer brilliance of their stuff. There is a loooong laundry list of quotes from Sony brass condescending to their Playstation clients but I won't get into that right now. My point is that when WB decided to go Blu-ray, it seems more likely that it will win the HD disc fight over rival HD DVD. This development saddened me. I have a few HD DVD for my Xbox 360's HD add-on but now I felt that I would be shut out. All sorts of great stuff I'd like to see in HD would be coming for Blu-ray (Star Wars, HBO shows like Rome, Lord of the Rings...man, that would look sweet in HD) so what was I to do? Thanks to Kenny and his US address, I snagged a cheap, used, discontinued 20GB PS3 online and it works fine.

Now don't get me wrong. I didn't get this system for the games. There are very few things I want to play of PS that aren't available for Xbox (except MLB: The Show...that looks kinda sweet). The main reason I wanted this PS3 was that it remains the best Blu-ray player on the market, cheaper, more easily upgradeable and more advanced than stand-alone units. Why did I go for the 20GB? Well, it's discontinued and the hard disk is small, hence its cheapness online. It does have an advantage that the terrible 40GB model currently for sale doesn't: it features the PS2 chipset, meaning older games are straight up backwards compatible as opposed to software emulated, which the 40GB does shoddily, I'm told. Regardless, like I said, this machine isn't really for my gaming but for my movie watching.

I am ashamed to admit I bit at Sony's hook and I'll be dragged into the Blu-ray market by force. I suppose none of this will matter once they make it so movies download directly to the brain. But that's a long time off. For now, I have both my HD movie sources covered.

HD Distribution

2008-01-09T09:51:00.000-05:00

A lot of ink (and even more digital ink) has been spilled over the high def format wars. Will HD-DVD beat out Blu-ray (with WB ditching HD for Blu, it's looking less likely)? Having access to both formats, this doesn't really bother me anyway. What I find vastly premature is misinformed people saying the point is moot anyway since digital distribution will be here soon enough. Some "experts" are predicting that within a few years, everyone will just be downloading their HD movies from some internet service and watching them off hard disks in their entertainment system. I'm sorry but this won't happen for a very long time and I will itemize why.

1) Bandwidth. Currently, a high def movie (especially with complete TrueHD or 5.1 or DTS soundtrack) is many many GBs in size. People's download speeds are simply not up to snuff to acquire this with any expediency. Imagine having to decide what you want to watch...days before watching it. Then you'd have to spend hours and hours to get the download. On top of that, most people have very limiting download caps on their ISPs. A couple of movies would bust your monthly cap, incurring penalties. The entire infrastructure would have to change, as well as the monthly cap system, before this idea of consistently downloading movies could ever exist.

2) Storage. All these movies you'd be downloading would have to be stored somewhere. Some people have extensive movie collections have having a closed box with limited hard disk space is simply unmanageable. Also, there is something that is lost by not having a box to put on a shelf. Unlike music, which is way more disposable, movie boxes are much some useful, if only for information. A CD doesn't have a plot or technical specs that the user needs to know. A movie, on the other hand, has useful information on the box such as what sound formats the movie has, its length, the plot, actors, etc,, all indispensable information that someone might want to quickly see at a glance. Plus, dvd cases look pretty on a shelf.

3) Lending. A great thing about having a physical storage unit for a movie is its versatility. I can bring a movie to a friend's house easily and we can all watch it. Likewise, I can borrow or rent movies and enjoy them, as well. With a download, how is someone supposed to swap films? Its intangible quality doesn't lend itself this type of trading which is a major flaw.

There's a reason books have been around this long and will continue to exist for a long time. There is something comforting about a physical item that represents the entertainment that you are consuming. Having books or in this case, dvd cases, on a shelf also says something about you. If you want to show someone your collection, scrolling through a list on a hard disk isn't very ideal. I think the intangible quality to digital distribution is a big flaw but the major drawback at this point remains the lack of technology and infrastructure to implement it. Maybe in 10 or 15 years, the economics of ISPs will change but until then, expect to keep going to Best Buy and picking up the latest dvds.

An Open Letter to Maniacs...

2007-12-04T14:04:00.000-05:00

Dear Crazy winter drivers,

Are you all out of your friggin' minds? Every year, we get snow and every year, people lose their heads. You can't drive in 30cm of snow like you do in the middle of July, ok? Here I am, stopped at a red light and praying that some yahoo behind me doesn't break too suddenly and come crashing into my car. It's a really tense moment, stopped at a light, looking in my rearview mirror and seeing a car coming down the slippery street at speeds ridiculous in this weather. And in a snowstorm, I will go very slow on purpose in order to not spin out. But no matter how carefully I drive, getting into an accident is really out of my hands because nutjobs are all over the place, careening around curves, just asking to slide into others. What's the huge rush? Do you all have to get someplace a few seconds quicker than if you drove carefully? In fact, by driving so fast, chances are you'll get into an accident and you won't make your destination at all.

So slow the f$*@ down, already. Jeez.

Writers, strike that

2007-11-20T21:03:00.000-05:00

As you may be aware, there is a strike in Hollywood. The writers are refusing to work because they feel the studios aren't paying them for money they make off dvds and internet broadcasts of their material. These are all valid points except the writers may be shooting themselves in the foot.

I watch a lot of tv. Usually, I watch on my own time on the computer and rarely live on tv which allows me the luxury of not watching trash. I usually research a show before I get into it to see whether it's a waste of my time. Now, most people are not as methodical as me and watch any old swill that comes on. With new episodes of shows winding down due to the strike, there is a chance once the mind-controlling numbness of tv dies down, people will break out of the trance and realize they've been wasting their lives with rubbish. It will be like that Simpsons episode where the kids discover there's a world outside. Watch as people peer out their windows, rubbing their eyes at this strange, natural illumination emanating from a ball of flame suspended in the sky.

Alas, the strike does indeed affect some top quality programming that I will sorely miss. But on the bright side, it will give me a chance to catch up on plenty of older series that I have neglected. And video games. Lots of video games.

Da Kink in my head

2007-10-19T17:43:00.000-05:00

I swear, if I see another ad for this show "Da Kink in My Hair" on Global, I'm going to gouge my eyes out with splintered chopsticks.

This terrible spot repeats over and over again, displaying alleged humour and even more alleged wisdom like: "A woman's hair holds her truth." What? What the f@&$ is that supposed to even mean?! Why do Canadian broadcasters insist on producing terrible homegrown programming? Except Corner Gas. That show makes me laugh.

Ugh! Eff you Global and your ads that repeat ad infinitum. Oh look at us, we have amusing accents and work in a quirky hair salon. This is some bulllllllls$*%.

Never smile at a croc-o-phile

2007-09-27T14:14:00.000-05:00

Summer season is at an end and so is the trend of people wearing these shoes called Crocs. I must officially document my hatred for these shoes on this blog for all to see. I hate Crocs. They are so incredibly stupid-looking that I'm amazed otherwise sane individuals wear them. What's the appeal? They're cheaply made of cheap plastic and the worse offense of all is that they're hideous.

Thankfully, the cold weather will put an end to people parading in what amounts to slightly more than clown shoes.

P.S.: If you wear Crocs, than it's highly possible you're an idiot. I can't make gross generalities, however. I will judge an individual's idiocy on a case to case basis.

Bowling for plates

2007-09-18T20:57:00.001-05:00

In my hectic schedule, I've found a moment to post something new upon this slowly fading blog. Like a Rickey Henderson, however, I will never quit! This blog will continue to live! (What's that? Rickey hung up his cleats? Aw eff...!)

Anyway, I was wondering at what point does a plate become a bowl. You know at some fancy restaurants, they serve a soup in what amounts to little more than a plate with a really wide rim. Is that a bowl or are they serving me soup in a dish? Is there a specific depth of the object's indentation that turns it into a bowl from a plate? Or does the moniker apply to what's being served? If I serve soup or eat cereal out of a hat, can I call that a bowl?

Bowls and plates...the eternal struggle for meaning continues, unabated...for now...

P.S.: Ooh ooh, what's more, do you "eat" soup or "drink" soup? Or simply "have" soup? Argh, language can be so baffling at times!

Are you a fat ass?

2007-08-15T21:20:00.001-05:00

If you listen to Mix 96 for any length of time (something I do NOT recommend for fear of irreparable brain damage), you have no doubt heard the ads for a product called Fat Assassin (with Hoodia!). In the ad, there are two girls reading off a script that is trying so hard to sound natural. One girl is saying how she lost a ton of weight by taking these diet pills and her boyfriend (Tom) can't keep his hands off of her.

My question is this. Would YOU name a diet pill Fat Assassin? I mean, it has the words "fat ass" right there in the product name!

Obesity stinks!

2007-08-06T22:44:00.000-05:00

So, where I spend a lot of time lately, helping out at my friend's card store (I made their website! Check it out here!), lots of customers of a certain...substantiveness...frequent the place. What I will say is a stereotype, sure, but anecdotally, I feel it's feel it's true. More often than not, these people of a given rotundness flat out smell. Badly. Really badly.

I don't understand, though. Is it that they simply do not wash? They sit there is their own filth? They figure, while I'm not treating my body with respect, I may as well go the whole nine yards and not clean myself either? Or is there more to this story. Perhaps they are so large, there are places they cannot reach to clean. Whatever the reason, it's freakin' gross. If you're going out in public, please don't have an aura of stank wafting about your body, like remoras on sharks. My nose will thank you later.

BK Kids Club

2007-07-27T11:12:00.000-05:00

Have you ever thought about the BK Kids Club? Like, really devoted some time to it? I don't know anyone who ever got toys of them or participated in any contests or even know the characters' names. Yet, the Kid Club still lingers, while nobody pays it any notice, like those white spots you sometimes get on your fingernails.

Everyone knows the McDonald's characters. But who are these BK people?

I could write about a bunch of them and how they're tools of overly politically correct marketers but I will concentrate on the dude in the wheelchair. Can you believe his name is Wheels? WHEELS! I mean, does he have to be reminded of his paralysis every time someone calls for him.

"Hey, Wheels, let's go play some hoops. Awwwwwwwww." "Hey, Wheels, let's go play soccer. Awwwwwww." "Hey, Wheels, let's go walk around. Awwwww."

While they're at it, why not name him Gimpy the Wonder Gimp. How evil. Do they name the Hispanic guy Spanishy? Or the black guy Blackie? No, they're named after things they like. Vid Kid likes gaming, Lingo speaks many languages, IQ is smart. Wheels? He sits in a wheelchair. It tells me nothing about who he is.

I mean, why is there even a kid in a wheelchair? This is supposed to be a fantasy land where kids' dreams come true. I can tell you one thing: if Wheels's dreams came true, he'd be named Feet.

Transforming bad animation to good memories

2007-07-03T10:31:00.000-05:00

I saw Transformers last night. Despite all my worries that the hack Michael Bay would mess it up, it was pretty damned good. The action was incredible and the special effects were top notch. The story was a little suspect (map on the glasses? what the...??) and there were some poor lines delivered even worse but the sheer spectacle of the film was great.

However, I'm not here to discuss that movie. I want to talk about the old Transformers animated movie. You know, the one where they all die? Yeah. That one. Going back and watching that movie, just like watching the cartoon on which it expands, a viewer today must wonder what all the fuss is about. As a kid, there was nothing cooler than giant friggin' robots turning into cars and shooting guns. It has the 3 things young boys love: cars, robots and guns. But if you watch it now, you enjoy it for pure nostalgia because it's not for the production quality, let me tell you. The animated comes off as stiff and the stories are generally poorly conceived and repetitive. How many times can the Autobots randomly run into Megatron and the boys, uselessly skirmish for a bit, then fly away, with no victor.

So then, there's the ill-fated movie in 1986. We all know Transformers exists to sell toys. There's no other reason for it. But the transgression Transformers: The Movie made is inexcusable. They trick you into thinking you're going to the theater to see all your favourites...then they pull the rug out from under you. They dupe people into the cinema then kill off everyone you know, and replace them with people you have no connection with nor do you care to see, and you're essentially trapped in the hall. Having known that they'd pull the ol' switcheroo, nobody would have gone to see that movie. It was such a clear and blatant marketing ploy to introduce a completely new line of toys and it failed on a spectacular level. The movie bombed, audiences went home terribly upset and Transformers fizzled away after that. They even had to bring Optimus back in the next series but it was too late. Add to that incredibly poor and disjointed storytelling, alternatively nice and horrible animation quality and a soundtrack so utterly bizarre, you are left wondering who was smoking what when they made the movie (Weird Al's "Dare To Be Stupid", anyone?), and you have one of the most bizarre viewing experiences known to man.

That being said, I love watching the old stuff. It's a reminder of a simpler time, where giant, honkin' robots can beat the tar out of each other and we kids just watch and be entertained. All the new Transformers series with their high budgets and neato animation can't compare to the joy that is the original.

Does nudity extend to animals?

2007-05-30T14:18:00.000-05:00

The concept of nakedness and shame has been around for so long. However, extend the concept of clothing to animals and we are trapped in a miry mess. I'm not talking about people who dress up their dogs or what have you. That's plainly stupid. Rather, I mean cartoon animals who wear a bit of clothing.

Take Donald Duck, for instance. There he is, being mean to everyone and losing his temper but what is he wearing? Fine, he's a sailor, but where are his pants? The mere fact he wears some bit of clothing means that he is aware of clothes and their purpose. So not wearing any bottoms is a message that this duck is delivering to us. Either he's comfortable with his semi-nudity or he's purposefully trying to offend people, making a point that clothing is silly...and apparently optional.

Next, we have Donkey Kong. Do you believe this guy? He only has a tie on! At least Donald had some shred of decency. This big ape is throwing our concept of modesty right back in our faces. The fact that the only thing he's wearing is a tie is symbolic of his rejection of the working man's uniform, as if to tell the masses to cast off the shackles of workaday life.

Finally, the most offensive anthropomorphic beast is McGruff, the crime dog. Yes, it appears he is wearing pants underneath his raincoat but hold on a minute. We've established that most cartoon animals are lacking clothing. So I think it follows that McGruff is missing clothing under that coat. Combine that with the fact that he's wearing the trappings of a typical flasher and you got yourself one dirrrrty ol' dawg. Take a bite out of crime, indeed. Start by arresting this animal.

All this is very disturbing but will probably not change anytime soon. The concept of modesty in dress has been around forever. Just look at Adam and Eve! Or rather, only look at them once they are clothed. It would not be proper otherwise.

Too many people

2007-05-16T14:54:00.000-05:00

There are too many people on this planet. I am reminded of this every time I see a commercial asking to donate money to feed starving people in far-flung lands. Hey, here's an idea: stop having 15 kids each!

The problem is that people having the most children are those who can least afford to. Does that make sense? If I'm unemployed (and I am), I'm not going to go buy a dozen cars. If you don't have the means, don't do it.

Which brings me to another point: children licenses. Having kids should be regulated! Any bozo can go and create more humans to place on this earth, whether they can take care of them or not. I could not put it better than Angelina Jolie, when she said,

"It should be hard to be a parent, period. I go through many things to adopt.

"I'm finger-printed, I'm checked, I go through home studies. I have to prove I'm a decent citizen; a good human being.

"That didn't happen to me when I gave birth, so it's interesting that there's no background check when you bring a child into your home in that way."

Now, for all the starving poor out there, it would be nice for them to be able to rely on meals. But their hunger will only propagate as long as the masses remain uneducated. Education is the key to stopping the litters of children people in famine-ridden countries have. We're at 6 billion and counting. It needs to be curbed sooner rather than later or the world will be ill-equipped to nourish everyone.

Misrepresent

2007-04-23T16:03:00.000-05:00

If you've been watching tv lately, you'll have noticed the ads for this really bad-looking Jamie Kennedy movie, "Kickin' It Old Skool". It's him trying to be all hip-hop again. Wasn't "Malibu's Most Wanted" punishment enough for the public? Anyway, I was all ready to rip into it for the awful ad airing on tv. There is nothing redeeming about it. Not a single funny joke or any indication as to why anyone would want to plunk down money to see this. So before I was going to write this post, I decided to check out the full trailer just to make sure. What I saw surprised me.

The full theatrical trailer is much different from the tv ad. On tv, there is no indication that he's a kid who's been in a coma since the 80s, thereby introducing a fish out of water element. Some gags in the full trailer actually elicited what might be considered as the beginnings of a laugh. Watch it here, if you'd like. This bring me to my next point: misrepresentational trailers.

Whose decision was it to cut the tv ad in that way, so that it looks absolutely dreadful? Sure, the full trailer makes it appear marginally better but still. A trailer is supposed to give a bit of the story to entice potential viewers. And for a comedy, it should include a few jokes. The tv ads for this one do neither. Someone should get reprimanded for this debacle.

Acronyms

2007-04-12T16:29:00.000-05:00

Regular readers (whoever among you are left) will know how the misuse of language bothers me (refer to last post...or probably don't. It's better that way). So boo me if you must (go ahead, try it) but I will continue on the same vein.

Don't you just hate it when somebody uses an acronym but then also uses one of the words contained therein? For example, when somebody says "ATM machine". What do you think the "M" stands for, you mook? Or "PIN number", for that matter. The N=number already.

Anyway, I think I've made my point so I'll cut it here, lest Chris berate me.

Fine, one more. "HIV virus". Does that mean the Human immunodeficiency virus virus? It's a virus on the virus? Do they cancel each other? Does that mean we found a cure? ...morons...

Addendum: I am a petty man...in blog form only, I assure you. I am quite affable in person. :D

The bell tolls for proper writing

2007-03-30T13:19:00.000-05:00

Yes, you will all have to suffer through another schoolmarmish post by me.

I'm sure I have mentioned in the past that I believe the internet is the death knell of grammar and proper writing. Upon further reflection, I have concluded that this is not the case.

The rise of the net is great in that there is such a wealth of information readily accessible by anyone. Remember the days when research meant going to the library and looking through periodicals? Remember waiting for the next day's newspaper for sports scores and stats (or the day after that for a night game)? The internet is great for many things except for the fact is also has the unfortunate side-effect of giving every ordinary joe a voice.
(Clearly, this could be considered somewhat ironic because I myself am an ordinary joe spouting my opinions as facts online. At the very least, claiming people shouldn't have a voice is the height of hubris on my part, feeling my opinions are more valid than others'. Well, tough. Live with it.)

Spelling and grammatical mistakes really bother me. I'm not talking about simple typos, either. I myself am guilty of inadvertent errors. Nobody is perfect. Rather, I mean all those who write poorly but don't know that what they write is improper. This begets a terrible ouroboros of linguistic deficiency. How will people learn the language when all they are exposed to is an ersatz version?

The following really grind my gears:
-rediculous
-moran
-should of/would of (which doesn't even make sense, people! Come on, think for a second!)

As mentioned up top, I have reached a new conclusion. My cause and effect theory that the internet is causing poor language skills is somewhat backwards. Yes, if people have the net as their only source of reading, they will have a skewed idea of English. However, I believe that people were always bad at grammar and vocabulary. It's just that, in the past, the only reading we would do would be from books and magazines, sources that went through an editor to be cleaned up before reaching our eyes. The advent of self-publishing on the net bypasses the screening process, allowing people to post their ignorance unfettered.

Moral of the story: please, everyone, read proper books. And lots of them.

The winds of change

2007-03-28T08:58:00.000-05:00

The results on Monday's provincial were surprising. I figured there would be a Liberal minority with the ADQ second but not as strongly as they were. It's a big story followed by the other big story: the PQ is now a third place party, garnering their lowest popular vote percentage since 1970.

I can only see this as a rejection of the PQ and their antiquated ideas. This trend began in the last federal election when the Conservatives had surprising success in Quebec, to the Bloc's detriment. As the most right-wing party in the province, the ADQ is enjoying similar gains. They took many votes from the Liberals as well but I feel the PQ should be worried more.

The PQ is showing itself to be a generational party. The old guard is gone or leaving and they have trouble attracting the younger people now. The romantic vision of a separate Quebec is seeming more antiquated with people. The PQ somewhat know this and certain segments of it pushed André Boisclair into leadership, figuring he's young and could connect with the youth of the province. They were wrong.

Boisclair has shown himself to be incredibly arrogant and out of touch with people. Pollster Jean-Marc Leger said to the Gazette on March 2nd, "The PQ was so eager for generational change, for a changing of the guard, that they didn't look at the type of individual they were electing." Forget that he's gay, the fact that Boisclair admitted to doing cocaine while in office apparently did not go over too well with most people. This is the point they needed to hook the youth of Quebec and instead, they lost most of them to the ADQ.

Meanwhile Mario Dumont, who has been around for ever but is only 36 years old, led an incredible surge for the ADQ. Psychologically, this is huge for them. It shows the public that they can be a real contender now. He'll probably prop up the Liberal government for 3 years or so, until his team of newbies gets experience. After that point, I can see the ADQ forming the next government of the province, with Liberals second and the PQ falling further behind in the rearview and into irrelevance.

All this means we'll likely have another federal election very shortly, with the Conservatives probably winning a majority by building on their gains last time and cleaning up the new ADQ ridings in Quebec. As for locally, this means we can finally debate real issues and politics to improve our lives instead of wasting so much breath, ink and energy about a hypocritical and economically devastating pursuit such as sovereignty.

Too angry to study

2007-03-22T12:53:00.000-05:00

I was sitting at my desk, working, when a heavy bass beat started arousing my curiosity. I'm on the 11th floor, so I figured something big was happened. I glance out the window and there was a demonstration going on outside.

A procession of angry students playing loud music was going westwards on de Maisonneuve, protesting tuition rates. That got my ire up.

Quebec has the lowest tuition on the continent. As a result, our universities are poorly funded and good professors don't want to teach here. Yet, this bunch of beatniks want to keep it that way. I don't understand how they can protest a raise in tuition (that our system is ever so thirsty for) and yet still spend $5 on a coffee at Second Cup. And let's not forget the benjamins they spend on beer. Let me get this straight...So they have enough money to blow on luxuries but when it comes to their education, they don't want to drop any coins? Utter madness and highly illogical.

As an aside, you'll often notice that student protesters never come from engineering or medicine or other faculties where students are required to do much work. Protesters are mostly composed of Environmental Studies students or some rubbish that will result in not having a job after graduation.

Feel free to disagree with me but I feel tuitions should indeed go up, just as long as we're assured the extra money makes it to the schools and not the government's pockets.

Monday is a red letter day!

2007-03-21T14:34:00.000-05:00

This coming Monday is a day of import. There is an election.

However, that's not the truly important part.

The moment I heard there will be an election in March, one question popped into my mind: what about my tv shows?

Yes, Mondays are a packed day of tv watching for me and I feared Global would preempt mah fayv'rit stah-rees with election coverage. What of the penultimate episode of hyper-unrealistic yet pretty fun Prison Break? What of my usual routine of watching Battlestar Galactica on Mondays (it's the season finale this week, people!). And most importantly, what of Jack? He's more than halfway through his sixth miserable day. I can't abandon him in favour of the curly-haired bore, the coke-head and the kid who's just happy not to eat at the kid's table anymore.

Thankfully, Global felt the fear of the people and is running ads assuring us, the unwashed, tv-huddled plebeians, that election coverage will not replace the regular programming; rather, it will be inserted into the commercial breaks. Another victory for the case of Escapism v. Reality.

My roundabout point? I watch entirely too much television (however, not nearly as much as I used to as a kid...what was I doing watching Night Court when I was like 10 years old?).

Speaking of Night Court, who doesn't love the theme?

Yeux fermés

2007-03-19T08:12:00.000-05:00

In case you weren't paying attention (or you exclusively read the French media), PQ leader André Boisclair mentioned how surprised he was to see so many students with "les yeux bridés" (slanting eyes) during his time at Harvard. In the English media, everyone was crying fowl but besides a minor peep on the French side, there was hardly a mention of it. Only in Quebec can someone admit to using cocaine while in office, then make a racist remark, refuse to apologize and still be running as the leader of a major party.

Worse still is that this opened Boisclair up to easy political dismemberment. As a gay man, Boisclair should be more sensitive to using potentially offensive words. Yet, his opponents didn't attack him. In fact, they almost excused him. It seems to me Quebec is truly an intolerant place. The majority of my friends are not "Quebecois", in the way the locals would characterize themselves; in fact, most of my friends are those very people Boisclair described as slanted eyed.

The worse part, however, is not the use of that term. Sticks and stones and all that jazz. No, the worst part is what he's implying by the comment. He says he was surprised to see so many Asians at Harvard. Essentially, he's saying, "wow, can you believe these Asians are out getting educated and not making me food/drying my clothes/doing my nails?". His narrow view of what Asians are capable of doing is the truly offensive part of his comment.

Now, I would never have voted PQ ever anyway but this just solidifies it. Along with Parizeau's post-referendum comments, it's becoming clear the PQ is an us-and-them gang where non-French Quebecers are not welcome. Frankly, do I even want to be accepted by these people?

To add or not to add: Facebook etiquette

2007-03-18T14:03:00.000-05:00

I was discussing the Facebook phenomenon with some friends recently and we can't quite decide what the etiquette is when adding new friends.

I'm sure all you facebookers out there know the situation. You're looking through a group you belong to or perhaps the friends of friends and you see someone you haven't spoken to since high school. You really weren't good friends with that person but they're there. What to do? To add or not to add. That's the question.

Or maybe the opposite has happened to you. Someone out of the clear blue adds you. That person isn't really your friend. In fact, you've hardly had any conversations with him/her. Do you add this person? Or what if it's a complete stranger who claims to know you? Someone did try adding me lately, claiming I went to school with her. I have no memory of this girl so I did not accept. No offense, strange girl, but I simply don't remember you.

So I throw this out to my faithful (few?) regular readers: what is your policy regarding facebook invites? Do you just add anyone, thinking you can possibly gain new friends out of it or are you tight-fisted with the acceptance of invitations?

Weather or not?

2007-03-14T10:42:00.000-05:00

I am not a fan of this time of year. Today, it will hit 11 degrees but next week, it will be -11? A swing of 22 degrees in the span of a week? Where do we live? It's like someone is rolling a D30 and randomly setting the temp for the day.

Aside: Hmmmm...the D30, however, would not account for the +/- of the temperature. A coin must also be flipped, heads +, tails -. Yeah, that would work. Done. I congratulate myself.

It wasn't that long ago that is was -38 with the wind chill. In fact, it was last week. This is madness! (This is Sparta?)

My oft-mentioned theory is that when they settled this place, it was definitely in the middle of summer. They showed up, felt the heat and built houses. Then, winter fell like a narcoleptic sumo wrestler after cleaning out an Asian buffet. Many people died, there were not enough men to man the ships and in the corner, the Natives just laughed, while walking around in their pimped out caribou-fur coats (of course, the settlers got their revenge in the form of infected blankets and firewater). Fast-forward many years and people are still here, out of habit, more than anything.

I think I lost my focus for a minute there. My point is, I don't like the slush outside. It's absolutely filthy. Plus, this odd period of transition wreaks havoc with the wardrobe. Do I put away my winter coat? After work is too warm for it but the mornings remain cool.

Oh and another thing in this increasingly disjointed post. This time of year really stinks due to the lack of holidays. New Year's Day was the last day off until Easter, more than 3 months later. How dare they? I propose at least one holiday per month.

In short, January-April blows.

Just to remind you of diversity

2007-03-08T23:28:00.000-05:00

Since Facebook.com expanded to include all internet users (instead of only students) last September, the site really exploded. Within a day or two of registering, dozens of people found and added me. It's a really fun and organized way to link up with people you know or knew. And their photo uploading system is apparently the most popular photo hosting service currently on the net. You can join different groups and organize your friends through how you met them. It's great.

Now, it is missing one function. Much like Stephen Colbert, I don't see race. People tell me Kenny is Chinese or Chris is black or I'm...miscellaneous; I have to believe them. But this way, I have to rely on other people to tell me. Sometimes a situation comes up where I need the insight of members of other races for information or advice. But since I cannot tell their race, I don't know what to do. So I propose the following: racebook.com.

All your friends are divided by race. That way you can tell you're racist just by seeing you only have 1 member in "Black Friends". Personally, I'm told my "Asian Friends" section would be overwhelmed. But this way, at a quick glance you can tell who you know is Asian, Black, Brown, White, etc. People of mixed race: no free pass. You can't belong to two groups. Pick a side.

Well, what do you people think? Good idea? Bad idea? Does this post make me horribly racist? You decide. But only after figuring out what category I would be in. West Asian?

Hand drying is fun

2007-02-27T11:23:00.000-05:00

Here at work, we have a single hand dryer in the men's room. There are 3 sinks, however. So they accept that there may be 3 people at once washing their hands but only one man is lucky enough to dry them. The strongest and fittest man, perhaps. Natural selection. Darwin would be proud.

Playing with this reality is not without its fun. I enjoy being a punk. There is a fun game I like to play. I go to wash my hands while there are other washers, then go dry my hands before them...and take my sweet time. I like to see how long it takes people to leave, wet-handed, in frustration. It's a sociological experiment.

The best though, is once they give up and go to the door, I stop drying my hands and leave with them. They get so confused. I can see the cogs in their heads working. "Should I return and dry my hands? Cross the entire floor of the men's room to get to the dryer? But in so doing, I would have to pass by that punk who was using the dryer, thereby admitting defeat." And sure enough, nobody ever comes back to dry their hands. Once they decided to leave the bathroom, hands unwashed, they never walk back to dry because that would mean admitting they were waiting for me. Hubris is a funny thing.

Most awesome image

2007-02-23T14:54:00.000-05:00

So I had some time on my hands...yeah, big surprise...
Anyway, I decided to change my MSN Messenger pic from a great one of Chev Chelios from Crank being defibrilated to something else, something random. So I typed in "most awesome image ever" in Google Image Search and I found something great, right there on the first page. The following:

How excellent is that?

Also of note: Right there on the first page of the "most awesome image ever" GIS is the poster for Crank. Can you imagine? So I guess I'm not the only one who wants to take that movie out behind a middle school and get it pregnant. The only reason I didn't put that as my new MSN image is because I was trying to change my already-Crank-related pic. Ah, the tough decisions in my life...

Prince and the King

2007-02-05T13:57:00.000-05:00

Mo's Super Bowl/Birthday Party was the mad notes, as usual, but that isn't the topic of this post. No, I wish to discuss Prince and his half-time show.

Prince is awesome. Always. But I find the careers of Prince and the King of Pop, Michael Jackson, to be interesting. In the 80s, they were both crazy music stars at the height of fame (Michael Jackson's craziness is well documented, but if you had any doubts as to Prince's sanity, you must watch "An Evening With Kevin Smith". An excerpt of the transcript is at the end of this post). But then something funny happened. Jackson had one public display of nuttiness too many (and those notorious lawsuits) and fell out of favour with everyone. Prince, on the other hand, laid low for a bit then suddenly he's roaring back and he's untouchable. Everyone agrees on his genius and showmanship. I mean, who else could get away with playing his wang on stage?

Anyway, go back and listen to old Prince tunes. Pretty wicked. While you're at it, watch "Purple Rain" and remember the 80s and all the good times associated with them.

[Excerpt from "An Evening With Kevin Smith", wherein Kevin Smith is recounting a meeting with Prince's assistant]

She's like, "Prince doesn't comprehend things the way you and I do."
I was like, "What do you mean?" She was like, "Well . . .

. . .Prince has been living in Prince World for quite some time now."
She's like, "So Prince will come to us periodically and say things like:

'It's 3 in the morning in Minnesota. I really need a camel .
Go get it.'

And then we try to explain to Prince, like:
'Prince, it's 3:00 in the morning in Minnesota, it's January. . .

. . .and you want a camel .
That is not physically or psychologically possible.'

And Prince says, 'Why?"'
I'm like, "Is he an asshole?"

She's like, "He's not malicious when he does it.
He just doesn't understand why he can't get what he wants.

He doesn't understand why someone can't process a request. . .
. . .like a camel at 3 in the morning in Minnesota."

Why are people stupid?

2007-02-01T09:52:00.000-05:00

I seriously do not understand people. It seems sometimes everyone is stupid. Today's rant: girls' dressing habits in winter.

You see girls on the bus or metro or in the food court at the mall, wherever, and they are obviously sick. Sniffling, sneezing, wiping their nose...clearly miserable. So what are they wearing? Tiny tops with much exposed cleavage. Shirts of the thinnest material imaginable with tiny little sleeves or no sleeves at all. Are these people mental? Walking around with a quasi-exposed chest, freezing your lungs, cannot be good for one's personal health. They deserve every illness they get and more. Hey, he're a radical idea: it's cold, wear clothes!!

Now, ordinarily, I would leave these people's suffering to them. However, their illness encroaches upon me. They get sick and then wipe their sickness on door handles, metro poles, what have you. Natural selection is a cruel mistress. Let these people get sick but just don't take me down with you.

I fear for the coming generation

2007-01-26T14:08:00.000-05:00

I know I have ranted about this before but the future is doomed. Kids nowadays are the worst type of boorish, uncivilized wastes of flesh and food. Have you ever been on a bus or the metro and some punk teens are talking about the stupidest possible thing and every second word is the f-word? And not even cleverly used but rather as a space filler in the sentence because their vocabulary is far too limited to think of a better word. And not only do they flaunt their own stupidity in this manner, they embarrass everyone around them. People casting sideways glances at each other, their eyes asking "can you believe this motherf***ing s**t?".

Case in point, I was at the gym yesterday and these two idiots, maybe 17 years old, walk into the locker room screeching like rhesus monkeys, literally. Then out of nowhere, they start cursing each other, calling each other the foulest things, for no particular reason. Then some song comes on the radio and after every line of the song, I kid you not, one of them would repeat the line, laugh and call the singer some strange combination of bad words that don't even make sense. Everyone in the room was looking at each other, just appalled (well, except for that guy everyone thinks is gay. He was looking around for prospects). I can't even repeat what they said because it was so outrageous that my mind could not absorb it to remember. Just think of any sentence you would say in the normal course of the day, add an f-word to the beginning, one at the end and then a few scattered in there as adjectives and adverbs, as they apply to your sentence. This is what these kids were.

All this to say, if more kids are like this, we are all doomed to cataclysmic failure. Perhaps we would all be better off is the Flying Spaghetti Monster just comes and wipes us all out. If Q came and put humanity on trial and used these kids as an example, I would concede defeat.

Slow news day

2007-01-24T17:06:00.000-05:00

Not much of a post today. I just wanted to pass along a funny image that was sent to me.

How does this guy think he's going to eat this burger? I mean, the sheer mechanics of it are impossible. I love the details, though. Muttley from Wacky Races on his helmet? And further...why the need for a helmet? Discuss...

Greystache

2007-01-13T23:51:00.002-05:00

I have been looking for a long time for a pic of Greystache. If you don't know what Greystache is, he was a fantasy character on a recent episode of the Simpsons. It was really good. Anyway, I apparently have a reputation of quickly googling any obscure image anyone is looking for, however, Greystache (Graystache?) eluded me.

Now for the millions out there googling Greystache and without finding an image, here is my gift to you. I made an image out of a screencap I print-screened.

You're welcome.

Corruption?

2007-01-08T15:09:00.000-05:00

Please read this and try not to laugh:

CES 2007: Sony's SIXAXIS Wins An Emmy

Your eyes do not deceive you.

by Micah Seff

January 8, 2007 - Sony Computer Entertainment America announced today that it has been given top honors by the National Academy of Television Arts & Sciences as the recipient of a Technology and Engineering Emmy Award for the PlayStation 3's SIXAXIS controller. SCEA will accept this award at a presentation held tonight during the International Consumer Electronics Show 2007 in Las Vegas.

"The overwhelming consumer demand and critical acclaim for PS3 is a testament of the platform's strength and the industry's desire for a true next-generation entertainment system," said Jack Tretton president of SCEA. "The full potential of this powerful machine has yet to be realized -- what you've seen so far is just a taste of what will be on the table for 2007 and years to come."

The SIXAXIS wireless controller features motion-sensing to detect body movements and interpret them into in-game actions. The PS3 will be on display during the International CES tradeshow, January 8-11, in the Sony Electronics Booth.

Where shall I begin? How about "overwhelming consumer demand"? This is a laughable statement, considering you can find PS3 boxes at stores just lingering about but a Wii is still impossible to find. What about "recipient of a Technology and Engineering Emmy Award"? Let me get this straight...the half-assed, and by most accounts not very good, Sixaxis controller for PS3 wins this but the innovative and really remarkable Wii doesn't?

I think somebody got paid off to give Sony this award in an attempt to get some positive word on the PS3, against the deluge of constant negative press it has been getting.

Update: http://www.engadget.com/2007/01/09/oops-sony-declares-sixaxis-emmy-emmys-say-uh-uh/

Happy new year...?

2007-01-02T09:24:00.000-05:00

Happy new year, everyone. As is the tradition, along with the new year comes a raise in bus pass price, as well as it's negatively correlated decrease in quality.

Some fools at the bus system decided January 2nd would be a Saturday schedule, despite the fact that many people have to go to work. The result? A lineup for the 45 at the Brossard terminus, the length of which I have never seen in my life. It was wrapping around the entire autoparc. Tensions were high. People were fighting with others who were cutting in. This is not a good way to start the year...especially when they increased my pass from an already outrageous $99 to $103.

Schadenfreude

2006-12-21T13:57:00.000-05:00

I'm not one to use petty name calling and other childish tactics to denigrate someone, but in Rosie O'Donnell's case, I'll allow it.

Please absorb every delicious second of Donald Trump taking Rosie to task.

Exhibit #umpteen in why Gwen Stefani needs to go back to No Doubt

2006-12-13T17:01:00.000-05:00

I will not forgive Gwen Stefani for leaving No Doubt. They were putting out perfectly serviceable little ditties for years when she decided she was too good for them, ditched them and came out with a solo career. Suddenly, this SoCal rich white chick from Orange County gets all hip-hop and "urban" on us? Pleeeeeease!

Now, with the release of her second solo album, comes more fodder for my own special brand of vitriolic diatribes. Her new song, "Wind It Up", really bothers me. First, it starts with a horrible re-imagining of that yodeling song from the Sound of Music (Julie Andrews is spinning in her grave!...what? she's not? Well...I see). Then the lyrics read like a 5th rate ripoff of "My Humps", which was already a 3rd rate song, at best.

Sample (bold added by me for emphasis):

This is the key that makes us wind up
When the beat comes on, the girls all line up
And the boys all look, but no, they can't touch
But the girls want to know why boys like us so much

They like the way we dance, they like the way we work
They like that way that L.A.M.B. is going 'cross my shirt
They like the way my pants, it compliments my shape (She's crazy, right?)
They like the way we react everytime we dance

Compared with this from "My Humps":

They say I'm really sexy,
The boys they wanna sex me.
They always standin' next to me,
Always dancing next to me,
Tryin' a feel my hump, hump.
Lookin' at my lump, lump.
You can look but you can't touch it

I'm sure you are all familiar with the inane lyrics of "My Humps", so I won't sample any more of it, but you get the idea. Why Gwen, why? Also, why is the state of music so horrible, especially radio in this here city? There's nothing you can tune to and just leave on. Of course, there is no recourse on the dial anyway, so switching stations is really just an instinct and not a panacea for our musical woes. Maybe satellite radio is the way to go.

School's out for ever

2006-12-12T09:51:00.000-05:00

Cue Alice Cooper because it finally seems like I'm out! I finished my classes...hopefully for good, provided I pass them both. This past Monday was the first in a long time when I was able to stay home and do basically nothing. This past weekend, I've managed to play so many video games that I have been neglecting (man, Final Fantasy III on the DS is tough...and I'm only at the beginning!). It feels good to be back.

Since the dawn of man...

2006-12-06T10:49:00.000-05:00

It seems that since the dawn of man, some people have been using superstition (and eventually, religion) as a way of controlling the masses.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,13509-2482418.html

Behind the rock, which was covered in man-made indentations, was a chamber that the archaeologists believed was used by a shaman who could have spoken without being seen, giving the impression that it was the snake speaking.
“The shaman would have been able to control everything. It was perfect,” Sheila Coulson, from the University of Oslo, said.

It doesn't surprise me that primitive man was already so organized in their superstition. What surprises me is how a few people back then had the capacity to identify this and exploit it. I guess humans have been and will always be the same: power hungry and exploitative.

The street is not your personal toilet

2006-11-27T12:04:00.000-05:00

I was walking up McGill College yesterday when I noticed an Asian fellow and his little, 5 year old-ish son at a nook outside Place Montreal Trust. In broad daylight, outside, he pulled down this kid's pants and the kid just freely peed in the corner. He then pulled up the kid's pants and they continued along, like nothing happened.

WHAT THE HELL!? This is disgusting like I cannot imagine. I had half a mind to just yell at them. I only mention that they're Asian because of an article I read, where mainland Chinese people who visited Hong Kong Disneyland shocked the HK locals by urinating on the public grounds of Disneyland.

To people who have been to that part of the world...is peeing in public a normal thing? I mean, does it not breed diseases? Considering there are plenty weird diseases coming from the Far East, maybe it does.

Actually, I know an Indian guy who would go to India and come back with stories of people just dropping their pants in the streets and defecating on the spot, picking up and walking along, like nothing happened.

Am I the only one appalled by this?

Wii-diculous!

2006-11-19T11:23:00.000-05:00

I brought my car to Wal-mart this morning at 8 to get the tires changed. Coincidentally, the Nintendo Wii launched today, so I swung by the electronics section to scope it out. Man, it was utter madness. I talked to the kid who worked there and he told me all 54 Wiis were spoken for even before they opened the doors. And all the peripherals and games were being snatched up faster than they could open the boxes. Looks like a hit. Meanwhile, I walked in and picked up Final Fantasy V Advance (on sale for $16.88) and got crazed looks by people who could not believe the temerity of someone not paying attention to the Wii on this Holy Nintendo Sunday.

Comparitively, Wal-mart had only 8 PS3s. Dinkar, who was a participant in both launches, told me the Wii pandemonium was way crazier than the PS3. Madness.

Never overestimate the intelligence of the gaming public

2006-11-16T15:01:00.000-05:00

Who in their right mind would pay $5000 for a PS3, when in a few months, it'll go down to its normal (and still ludicrous) price of $600US?

http://cgi.ebay.ca/Sony-Playstation-3-Premium-System-60GB-PS3_W0QQitemZ160047098963

Dinkar, man, have fun staying outside Wal-Mart tonight... :(

Happy Anniversary

2006-11-09T14:57:00.000-05:00

By chance, I was looking through my old achives, looking to murder some time, when I realized.......today is the 3rd year anniversary of my very first blog post. November 9th, 2003, is a day that will live in infamy.

I did a bit of research and found that the third anniversary is considered the "leather anniversary". Ignoring the dire implications that might imply, I invite all to wish me a happy leather-versary. Leather for all!

The first image of leather that popped in my head is the following from the classic, too-soon-departed, Arrested Development:

Hopefully, I'll see all my loyal readers (this means all 2 or 3 of them...Chris, Chico...anyone else?) for many years to come.

The following is the very first thing I posted:

Hey everybody. Following in the illustrious footsteps of Wil Wheaton, I've decided to create a blog (that's "web log" said sorta fast...idiots). Here, you will find anything I have to say about anything.

Consider yourselves lucky that I am giving such uninhibited access to my mind FOR FREE! May you all bask in the warm (and fuzzy) glow of my glorious, glorious self.

Enjoy!

File this under "not surprising"

2006-11-07T12:21:00.000-05:00

To anyone with a passing knowledge of the increasingly ludicrous DOA games, the following should not be a surprise:

http://www.1up.com/do/newsStory?cId=3154959

Itagaki on Trial for Sexual Harrassment

DOA creator faced with charges from former Tecmo staff

by Jonathan Lumb, 11/07/2006

Japanese entertainment news site, ZAKZAK, is reporting that Tecmo's Tomonobu Itagaki, father of the Dead or Alive series, is facing allegations of sexual harrassment from a former Tecmo worker. Itagaki, who has become quite a famous face of the game industry thanks to his frequent appearance in magazines, is being asked to pay compensation of 10 million yen. The issue is also thought to be an influence in his unexpected demotion at Tecmo this August.

The member of staff, who quit Tecmo on September 8 this year, presented her case for sueing Itagaki and Tecmo two days later on the 10th, and legal discussions started a month later on October 4. According to the plaintiff, the acts of sexual harrassment started from September 9, three years ago, in a taxi on the way back from a party after a meeting with managers from an IT company. Itagaki is alleged to have forcibly kissed the woman after proclaiming his fondness of her. The tales of harrassment continued, with Itagaki supposedly locking the reception and wrapping his arms around the plaintiff on many occasions, ending up with a similar run-in at a hotel during E3 last year.

The plaintiff claims she was told by management to "Do something about it" herself, after having been absent from work due to stress and instability about the matter, then she started to talk to the firm's head of Human Resources about it. The result of internal investigation was that kisses had been a show of "mutual affection", though the company deemed his actions improper and he lost his position of Managing Executive Officer. After an unsatisfactory response from the company, she handed in her resignation.

Since the case became public, a member of Tecmo's management has apparently contacted ZAKZAK's sister-publication, Evening Fuji, and stated that "there was a difference of opinions, and it will be cleared up in the trial".

Makes you think

2006-11-06T09:40:00.000-05:00

I just read a very interesting article where one passage rang very true to me.

Consequently, religious people will devote immense energy to so-called moral problems—such as gay marriage—where no real suffering is at issue, and they will happily contribute to the surplus of human misery if it serves their religious beliefs.

Showcase Sundown

2006-11-01T10:06:00.000-05:00

The day has come. Bob Barker has decided to retire.

http://www.cnn.com/2006/SHOWBIZ/TV/10/31/tv.bobbarker.retires.ap/

I can't believe it. Especially this creepy, yet bizarrely hilarious part: "I refuse to do nude scenes. These Hollywood producers want to capitalize on my obvious sexuality, but I don't want to be just another beautiful body."

In any case, The Price is Right is an institution, one I would watch every single day for many consecutive summers.

The thrill of the Check Game.

The excitement of Switcheroo.

And the pants-wetting reveals of Plinko.

The parent company that owns the show is said to be looking for a replacement host but The Price is Right is Bob Barker. Without him, the show should just fold and I think it will.

It's a sad day. I leave you with a video of the opening of the very first episode Bob Barker hosted back in 1972.

Comics? Hardly

2006-10-20T14:42:00.000-05:00

Regular readers (a dying breed) might know about my love/hate relationship with the newspaper comics. For years, I would read every single execrable comic that appeared in the Gazette, daily. I would follow each storyline and I really didn't know why. Most comics are hardly funny. I mean, "comic" is right there in the word! A smile, a chuckle? Is that too much to ask? Where are the Calvin and Hobbes or Farsides of my day? Hell, even The Boondocks ended. Most strips were are left with are incredibly lame and have no real punchline. They simply exist to waste ink and amuse 80 year olds whose sense of humour died around the time they had their first hip surgery.

Thankfully, the Gazette finally ditched some of the worst ones. I mean, does ANYbody enjoy Sally Forth? I could go much deeper in every one of those strips they printed but I don't want to rant too much. It is my birthday after all. Stay positive!

Anyway, I'm just writing to mention my new favourite web site, the Comics Curmudgeon. It represents exactly how I feel about the current state of comics. It's basically a guy who posts that day's comics and just rips into how awful they really are. So I'm not alone!

Note: I have, for weeks now, stopped reading the comics. Just like that, cold turkey. I just couldn't handle it anymore after a particularly awful Beetle Bailey. I must report, I am generally more happy this way, as reading comics in the morning no longer spoils the day to come.

EA the devil?

2006-10-13T13:18:00.000-05:00

We all knew EA was evil, way back when they turned their back on the Dreamcast. Sega effectively made EA who they are, by carrying plenty of EA titles on the Genesis back in the day. The first NHL game by EA was exclusively on the Genesis (I had it), the simply named NHL Hockey. The following year, they released NHLPA '93 on Genesis and SNES and they were off. But the point is, EA are jerks.

Fast forward a few years where 2k was putting out spectacular titles, including their NFL 2k series. The last game, NFL 2k5 was so damned good, and was priced at $20US, that EA got so scared that they bought the exclusive NFL rights. So now and for years to come, only EA can put out a football game. Due to this monopoly, their football games have regressed, removing features to overall diminishing quality. Monopolies are rarely a good thing. The latest outrage? EA is charging for content they once gave for free.

Yes, EA has added downloadable stadiums to the latest Madden game, which you can get for the low low price of $3.75 US apiece! (link) This is an outrage. Take their latest hockey entry, NHL 07. Not only is it stripped of pretty much every feature you want in a game and filled with AI bugs, it also has no alternate jerseys or arenas, something they used to give free...something that the competition, NHL 2k7m gives in extreme abundance. EA will instead add them online and you have to buy extra content like that for a fee. I urge all to read this satirical article. In an IGN interview, EA even admits they fear a consumer backlash. So why are they doing this?

It's just the latest in what is beginning to seem like a new trend to squeeze money from us. Take the latest Gran Turismo game coming for PS3. It will come in 2 flavours: one with 30 cars and 2 tracks or another one with no cars and no tracks, just the bare bones of the game. It's up to the consumer to then go online with their PS3 and download cars and tracks, at ridiculous prices. Based on the preliminary price schemes, to download all the content for this game will cost between $500 and $1000. Can you imagine?

When did video games reach such an elitist level? Soon will come the day when kids will no longer be able to simply get a game for Christmas, because that game will come with strings attached. They will need their parents' credit cards in order to round out the missing content from their game. Not only that but it further stresses classism in the increasingly expensive hobby of gaming. Sure, rich kids could always buy more games, but now even if everyone owns the same game, those with more cash will have more options, more features and will extract more enjoyment from the games.

Yet again, I am reminded why EA is to be loathed. Shame on you EA. And shame on you, Sony, too.

Stay on target...stay on target...

2006-09-27T12:24:00.000-05:00

Not even a month into school again and I'm already overloaded. I have the same prof for both classes and she's a bit nutty. She has assigned so much work for the entire semester and asks us to do work based on material we're only covering at the end of the term. She expects us to know way more than we do and it's too much. It's just too much.

Then I received a forward of some gorgeous photos of Greece. Here are a few.

My question is, what am I doing wrong to not be living someplace like that? Can you imagine the lives of the filthy rich who can vacation in places like this, or have a pied à terre down there? Incredible.

My producer here at work is going on vacation this week and she asked me why I never take any vacation. I really had no answer. I sorta said I have no place to go and if I took days off, I'd just laze at home...I might as well come in to work. I'm thinking after I finally complete these bloody classes, maybe a vacation someplace might be in order.

What is it with old people?

2006-09-21T08:52:00.000-05:00

Why do old people continue to bother me? This time, it's the way they look at people.

I was on the bus, watching the Daily Show on my media player, when I noticed out of the corner of my eye, the old woman in front of me looking me up and down with this twisted, disgusted face...as if she didn't approve. So I just glanced up at her and she quickly looked away. But when it seemed I wasn't looking again, she would contort her face with disgust at me.

So I decided to pay more attention. On the metro, I looked out for young folks and old people. Very often, the old people would check out young people and look disapprovingly at them or, and this is true, sometimes shake their heads. And I'm not talking about tattoed, eyebrow-ringed goth freaks. I'm talking normal looking youths. Hey old people, if you don't like it, there's a room in a nursing home with your name scrawled on it.

***

Just to cheer me up and hopefully you, my faithful readers (if any), I'm putting up a video that always makes me crack a smile. Enjoy.

Dawson

2006-09-14T06:41:00.000-05:00

Let's blame...say..."Doom" and "Grand Theft Auto" for the shootings. That's an easy scapegoat.

Whew, my conscious is clear now.

*rolls eyes

Conspiracy

2006-09-11T11:35:00.000-05:00

I was on the metro this morning and among many interesting things, I saw on the little electronic newsboard some statistics. Apparently, 22% of Canadians and 30% of Quebecers (higher in the 18-25 age bracket) believe the US government was behind the attacks on the twin towers, as an excuse to go to war. Now, the current government down there is many things (mostly incompetent) but I have such a hard time believing that. There is no way they staged that...mainly because they don't have the competence. I mean, it's a neat little conspiracy theory but to actually believe something like that makes me fear for the intelligence of the public.

Did the government know something like this was going to happen? Yeah, I think Condoleezza Rice even testified to that fact. Then why didn't they stop it? Not because they orchestrated it, but rather because they're incompetent. I love that word.

Anyway, this brings me to another theory that really gets me upset: people who believe the moon landing was staged in a tv studio somewhere. Are these people for real? I don't know why but idiots who believe this anger me so much. What an incredible scientific achievement, what a sensational step for humanity...denied by some yahoo crackpots who think everyone is out to get them. And these aren't mental cabdrivers or Mel Gibson. Or both. 22%. 30%. That's huge. I can't believe how many idiots are out there.

Conclusion: I'm so much better than most people.

If you don't plan on writing, just don't have a blog

2006-08-30T08:46:00.000-05:00

What irks me (most recently) is people who insist on having blogs...and not effin' writing on them. Not even a throwaway post in betwixt! Somewhere along the way, they heard blogs were neat and they subscribed to one, adding another voice to the crowded blogosphere, opining on widely ranging topics in a style they obvious thought was hilarious. Wait a sec...that's me.

But seriously, I was looking up and down Chris's extensive blog links off his blog and one after another, people have allowed their blogs to languish. The only person who posts with any regularity (possibly due to his high fibre and prune juice diet) is Chris and his writing is ~~often not very~~ amusing. I used to like the ol' Cup o' Joe blog, but when he wasn't posting anymore, he pulled the plug. He had some sense about him.

New rule. If you haven't posted in over a month, you're off my list. After that, you will have to prove to me that you warrant a link off my blog to get in my good graces again.

As Serpentor often says, "this I command!".

Snakes on the net

2006-08-21T08:38:00.000-05:00

I spend a lot of time online, just reading up on anything. I spend entirely too much time in fact, mostly perusing various geek-filled message boards and one thing strikes me most. It is the fact that most people who post their useless opinions online have no concept of what the outside world is, and how to function in it. The following quote from Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back comes to mind:

Jay: What the f*** is the Internet?
Holden: The Internet is a communication tool used the world over where people can come together to bitch about movies and share pornography with one another.

The net is full of lamers who think their opinions are law. How many countless idiots have I read who give their opinion (usually on a scifi or fantasy movie/tv show/book and tell everyone else, in very bad writing, that they are stupid because they do not share the same opinion... This bring me to the internet phenomenon (apparently called a "meme"...don't ask me... :S), Snakes on a Plane.

Sometime last year, the internet was rumbling with the idea that a movie about snakes on a plane called Snakes on a Plane was being made. Of course, it starred Sam Jackson. I, too, was intrigued about this. Sight unseen, plot untold, people were going mad about this movie. The interner buzz was so huge, you could be deafened by it, just by switching on your pc. It is to be an intentionally cheesy movie that actually incorporated some fan ideas into the final product. A movie partially by the people. So finally, it opens. It actually garners some positive critical response, too, by virtue of its fun nature. Box office for the weekend: $15.2M, just squeaking by Talladega Nights for the #1 position. In fact, if it weren't for the 10pm Thursday night shows, SoaP would have actually placed #2. This goes to show two things:

- Critics are irrelevant
- Internet buzz is useless

All these people on the net think they're so important, prompting peopleat the SoaP message board over at imdb.com to predict things in complete seriousness like it will make more money than Titanic. Some level-headed people do have some sense about them, like the guy who finally said "proof that internet nerds really dont make up much of movie-going populace". And that is true. I will speculate that the majority of these people who were heavily into the net buzz don't often leave the house and simply downloaded a bootleg of the movie.

Now, I will see this movie. I will most likely enjoy it. This movie will indeed make a nice profit, seeing as how it was cheap to make and will kill on DVD. But to all you internet guys out there who post online with your superior attitude, I just must say, please understand reality.

Random Post: Norris Bridge

2006-08-11T08:33:00.000-05:00

Just a random news item I thought was hilarious:

http://www.abc.net.au/news/newsitems/200608/s1703355.htm

Hungarians keen for 'Chuck Norris Bridge'

The American action hero Chuck Norris is leading a government poll in Hungary that has been set up to find a name for a new bridge in Budapest.

The name "Chuck Norris Bridge" has attracted more than 8,000 votes or 11 per cent of the Internet poll.

It puts the actor just ahead of a Hungarian humorist and the country's first king, Stephen the Great.

A government committee will review the outcome of the poll next month before making a final decision.

- Reuters

Middle aged? More like 62.5% aged

2006-08-07T07:57:00.000-05:00

One thing (of the many) that bothers me is the misuse of language. I'm not talking about typos or just memory lapses. I am referring to misuse of word and their meanings. For example, I was reading some message boards on the weekend (geeky ones...please don't ask), when someone was discussing how a 40 year-old was "middle aged". Then another poster responded by saying, "since when is 40 middle-aged?", and implied that the term is reserved for people around 50 years old. To paraphrase Niles on Frasier, you're only middle-aged at 50 is you expect to live to 100.

I firmly believe language is always in flux. A language should be able to adapt and integrate new words and terms in order to stay relevant. Any language establishing strict guidelines is doomed to failure because it will not have the ability to transform itself to stay current. Meanings of words change based on usage. But something as obvious as the word "middle-aged" or "mid-life" should be simple. The life expectancy of Canada is around 80. Ergo, middle-aged should be 40, with an accepted tolerance of, say, 5 years. This goes for the more recent term "quarter-life crisis", as well, which averages out to around 25 years old. People generally don't live to be 100.

While I am on the subject, I think anybody who says the word "irregardless" when they mean "regardless" should have a dunce cap permanently affixed to their scalp via Krazy Glue and secured by Frankenstein-esque bolts.

Nefarious smells

2006-07-24T15:12:00.000-05:00

Yet another bus story! Yay!

So I get on the bus this morning and I spot one 2-seat bench completely empty. Now, this bench was right behind a 4-seater that was occupied by these 4 women. I hate these 4 women. I remembered just then why I stopped taking the 7:50 #32 bus. These 4 chatter so damned loud. Yack yack yack, like 4 hens. Dammit, women, nobody wants to hear your inane ramblings at that hour in the morning. There are these 2 unrelated women, then this obese girl and her obese mother. I hate them all.

In any case, I decide to sit at this seat, wondering why it is empty out of all the seats on the bus. I quickly discovered why. No sooner did I crack open chapter 12 of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban when I smelled it. It filled the air like a malicious, suffocating cloud. The obese girl stank. Body odour, sweat (, fecal matter??). I mean, nasty. It filled my nostrils. Her odour was warm and assaulted my olfactory system with its spicy, evil musk. The worst part was, her window was open, blowing this nefarious haze of filth into my face. It was dreadful. But what could I do? Sometimes I envy the noseless (this means you, Jacko...well except for all the kids-in-the-bed rubbish. Ok, fine, I don't envy you. You're actually pretty frightening).

This brings me to another point. Why do people smell? And obese folk most of all? People, it's not all that hard to clean oneself. I am reasonably sure everyone has access to running water and some sort of soap or lye solution. Please wash. Please. Please? For the good of all commuters. Just do it.

R.I.P. Eddie

2006-06-27T09:28:00.000-05:00

Sad news from the world of show biz. A beloved member of one of the best comedies of our time has passed.

Died at the ripe old age of 16 and a bit. That's a pretty good life for a doggie.

SR in VT

2006-06-17T16:14:00.000-05:00

Last week, I noticed local musicman Sam Roberts was playing a show in Burlington, Vermont. Sounds like a road trip!! $10 tix to see the guy play? Not too shabby! So after work, JBo and I drove down to Burlington...sorry, SOUTH Burlington...you know...the hood. In any case, we went to this little joint called Higher Ground. Seriously, the room was the size of my backyard. There were as many as 60-70 people scattered in there. It was so small, but the walls were lined with posters of people who have played there and some were of note.

The tickets said 8pm...but that was not the case. The two openers started late. In fact, the second band took an inordinate amount of time setting up and tuning their equipment. I think the house engineer is some kind of moron. He didn't know what to do. Long story short, Sam Roberts and his band take the stage at 11:30pm and played a solid set until 1:10am. Interspersed throughout the show, Roberts mentioned Canada and Montreal plenty of times and spoke French, too, to the befuddlement of the locals. Luckily, there were indeed plenty of Quebecers who made the trip, so it was like a hometown show. In fact, there was a girl there wearing the same CBC t-shirt that I had on. At the end of the show, the bassist even gave me props for it. They were super cool, shaking everyone's hands and generally rockin' out. The atmosphere was cozy, maybe even a little amateurish. But these are Vermonters after all. We should just be grateful they know what electricity is.

Oh, does anybody know if there is a law in some States where you cannot print the alcohol content of beer on the label? Not a single beer had it written and it's not the first time I have noticed this. Not that I had many beers. The guy working the bar was the laziest dude ever. It took so long to get a damned drink. Hey bub! If you don't want my business, just close the bar. Don't tease me with alcohol in sight and not sell it. Jerk.

Anyway, here are some photos. And for those waiting for another installment of E3/LA pix, too bad. I am not writing any more about that, however I will leave you some key photos beneath the concert pix. Enjoy! (the concert photos were done on my cell phone so please excuse the quality).